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Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. v. 1
The issue of whether to spend a large chunk of budget on senior managers as opposed to having an exuberant young team is a dilemma faced by many. Many young entrepreneurs believe, a team of juniors is easy to mould, aiding in keeping the workflow agile as well as dynamic, whereas some feel that the guidance of a senior manager would help to achieve their goals with ease. I personally believe in the latter, and I would demonstrate how having senior managers on the team can actually be fruitful in the long run using examples from Harvard and Oxford Universities. On one hand, a team of eager to learn graduates can give you an edge on dealing with latest technologies and strategies. The main reason of this is twofold, firstly, with modernization every field has become volatile, with change being the only constant, which could be an ardent task for seniors as compared to the knowledge hungry youth. In a recent study, it was predicted that the world will see more change in the next 20 years than it has seen the past 200 years. Also, having experienced people is heavy on the pocket, devouring the management of the opportunity to hire multiple people on a strict budget, proving having senior managers on the team can come with its own set of constraints. On the other hand, a well experienced senior manager who is endowed with the hindsight of numerous project can be a key player in avoiding many mistakes, saving some valuable time on strict schedule. Concurrently, experience of multiple domains can be used to cross-reference various previously used use cases, setting the path to the desired goal. A study recently revealed that, startups which included 1 to 5 senior members had 90% higher chances of success as compared to the ones which did not. Lastly, senior manager also helps to bring an organisational structure and decorum to a company bolstering the overall productivity. Conclusively, the proofs given above, helps us to understand that though having senior managers could be heavy on the pocket, but having them on the team could definitely be a perk and may play a vital role in the company's success.
The issue of whether to spend a large chunk of budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an exuberant young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is a dilemma faced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young entrepreneurs believe, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
of juniors is easy to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
, aiding in keeping the workflow agile
as well
as dynamic, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that the guidance of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to achieve their goals with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. I
personally
believe in the latter, and I would demonstrate how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
can actually be fruitful in the long run using examples from Harvard and Oxford Universities.

On one hand, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
of eager to learn graduates can give you an edge on dealing with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies and strategies. The main reason of this is twofold,
firstly
, with modernization every field has become volatile, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
being the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
constant, which could be an ardent task for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
as compared to the knowledge hungry youth. In a recent study, it
was predicted
that the world will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
next
20 years than it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the past 200 years.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
heavy on the pocket, devouring the management of the opportunity to hire multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on a strict budget, proving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
set of constraints.

On the other hand
, a well experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
who
is endowed
with the hindsight of numerous project can be a key player in avoiding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mistakes, saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable time on strict schedule.
Concurrently
, experience of multiple domains can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cross-reference various previously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cases, setting the path to the desired goal. A study recently revealed that, startups which included 1 to 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
members had 90% higher chances of success as compared to the ones which did not.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to bring an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisational' is British English.
organisational
structure and decorum to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
bolstering the
overall
productivity.

Conclusively
, the proofs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to understand that though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
could be heavy on the pocket,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
them on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
could definitely be a perk and may play a vital role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's success.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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