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It is a positive thing for people who are in senior management positions in companies to have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organisation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is a positive thing for people who are in senior management positions in companies to have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organisation. v. 1
The salary structure across the industry has been defined keeping in mind various aspects such as the knowledge and the skill an individual holds. Although, I agree to the fact that people who are in a senior position deserve a higher remuneration, clearly for the responsibilities in the role they undertake, as well as the experience they have acquired over years, which would help take the right strategical calls for the benefit of the company. There are various reasons due to which, huge amount remuneration is paid to the senior managers. To start with, the role defined for the people in the senior position has a lot of responsibility. The person is responsible to make important decisions which can have direct implications on the Financials of a company, at the same time he is also reliable to face any consequences that can arise due to his negligence. In addition, experience plays a vital role in decision making. With a number of years experience, a person is able to acquire a lot of knowledge, which would help him in decision making. In addition, salaries are the only way to differentiate between employees at different levels. Moreover, senior management plays a part in motivating the rest of the employees. The employees are aware of the monetary perks that are enjoyed by the senior management. But, at the same time they are also aware that in order to reach the same position a lot of hard work is needed. This builds the motivation level of the employee to work harder. In conclusion, I would agree that the senior management deserves to get a higher pay for the responsibility and the skill they hold. They could positively motivate the rest of the employees to reach at the same level.
The salary structure across the industry has
been defined
keeping in mind various aspects such as the knowledge and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
an individual holds. Although, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
position deserve a higher remuneration,
clearly
for the responsibilities in the role they undertake,
as well
as the experience they have acquired over years, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
take the right strategical calls for the benefit of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

There are various reasons due to which, huge amount remuneration
is paid
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
managers. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the role defined for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
position has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibility. The person is responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions which can have direct implications on the Financials of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, at the same time he is
also
reliable to face any consequences that can arise due to his negligence.
In addition
, experience plays a vital role in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. With a number of years experience, a person is able to acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.
In addition
, salaries are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to differentiate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
management plays a part in motivating the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are aware of the monetary perks that
are enjoyed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
management.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, at the same time they are
also
aware that in order to reach the same position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work
is needed
. This builds the motivation level of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to work harder.

In conclusion
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
management deserves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher pay for the responsibility and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
they hold. They could
positively
motivate the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to reach at the same level.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay It is a positive thing for people who are in senior management positions in companies to have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organisation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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