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Some think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. v. 1
In many cultures like, such as in the US, salaries are now given based on their performance and education they gained. However, although some think that providing far higher salaries for senior managers than the other workers, I believe that it is justifiable to offer high salaries for seniors for two main reasons. Firstly, the senior managers are usually more experienced and deserve to be paid very well. In fact, they worked way longer than the other employees that represents the longer commitment to the company. Furthermore, a lot of occupations that need specialised knowledges and skills are usually required with time. Medical doctors, for instance, become better ones with experiences that are gained with time, so long dedication often means that the person is more skilled. In my view, same goes to workers in companies. Another reason that senior workers should get well paid is that they tend to have more responsibilities than their younger counterparts. For example, senior employees are responsible for solving troubles that were made by their subordinates, making a big decision on business, recruiting new employers, and training them. Even though I acknowledge that supporters of the fair salary argue that income should be paid based on individual's talents and efforts, not on gender or age, I personally believe that those tasks can be done by only seniors who are more talented, skilled and experienced in the job. Additionally, due to the heavy responsibilities they possess, they tend to be struggling with the massive stress in the work environment. That should be compensated only with the high income. In conclusion, not only senior workers suffer from more tasks and responsibilities, they also struggle with the stress. Although I acknowledge that some think that the salary should be offered based on the skills, I agree that senior managers deserve to be paid much more salaries than their subordinates.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures like, such as in the US,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
based on their performance and education they gained.
However
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that providing far higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
managers than the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, I believe that it is justifiable to offer high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
for two main reasons.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
managers are
usually
more experienced and deserve to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. In fact, they worked way longer than the other employees that represents the longer commitment to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
occupations that need
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
usually
required with time. Medical doctors,
for instance
, become better ones with experiences that
are gained
with time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long dedication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
means that the person is more skilled. In my view, same goes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Another reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
is that they tend to have more responsibilities than their younger counterparts.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
employees are responsible for solving troubles that
were made
by their subordinates, making a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
decision on business, recruiting new employers, and training them.
Even though
I acknowledge that supporters of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
argue that income should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
based on individual's talents and efforts, not on gender or age, I
personally
believe that those tasks can
be done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
who are more talented, skilled and experienced in the job.
Additionally
, due to the heavy responsibilities they possess, they tend to be struggling with the massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the work environment. That should
be compensated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with the high income.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
suffer from more tasks and responsibilities, they
also
struggle with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Although I acknowledge that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should
be offered
based on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
managers deserve to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
than their subordinates.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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