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Some people think it is a good idea for university students to have jobs during college. Others think it is a bad idea. Which do you think is better and why? v.1

Some people think it is a good idea for university students to have jobs during college. Others think it is a bad idea. Which do you think is better and why? v. 1
There is no doubt that the secret of health is following a healthy lifestyle. Some people believe that it is government’s responsibility to ensure that their citizens stay healthy, while others argue that it is the responsibility of the concerned individual. In this essay, we will look into both sides of the argument and provide my support to the latter view. First and foremost, there is no doubt that government play’s a critical role to ensure well being of their citizens. It is always beneficial if the government can support and motivate individuals to pursue a healthy lifestyle. This can be done in several different ways like organizing health camps, subsidizing healthy food, imposing heavy taxes on unhealthy food etc. For instance, in countries like Sweden government offers free health camps to educate people on healthy lifestyle, they also offer subsidy healthy food to encourage citizens. Recently, a third party survey indicated that these initiatives have reduced the number of cases of heart attacks, obesity in Sweden. Considering these points, we can see why people think it’s essential for governments to play and active role to ensure a healthy lifestyle for their citizens. But, a strong argument can be made on the other side. In my view, individuals should be made responsible and accountable for their health. The onus of following a healthy lifestyle should be his/her responsibility. For instance, there are individuals who don’t consider a healthy lifestyle as their priority and don’t even appreciate the fact that following a healthy lifestyle makes them feel better. In all these cases, the initiatives from governments will either be ineffective or bear very less effect. In conclusion, the responsibility of following a healthy lifestyle should rest on individuals, while governments should support and motivate them to do so.
There is no doubt that the secret of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to ensure that their citizens stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, while others argue that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of the concerned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. In this essay, we will look into both sides of the argument and provide my support to the latter view.

First
and foremost, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
play’s a critical role to ensure
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of their citizens. It is always beneficial if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can support and motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. This can
be done
in several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways like organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
camps, subsidizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food, imposing heavy taxes on unhealthy food etc.
For instance
, in countries like Sweden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offers free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
camps to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, they
also
offer subsidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food to encourage citizens. Recently, a third party survey indicated that these initiatives have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of cases of heart attacks, obesity in Sweden. Considering these points, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to play and active role to ensure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
for their citizens.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, a strong argument can
be made
on the other side. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should
be made
responsible and accountable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The onus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
should be his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
.
For instance
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who don’t consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as their priority and don’t even appreciate the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel better. In all these cases, the initiatives from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will either be ineffective or bear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less effect.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
should rest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should support and motivate them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is a good idea for university students to have jobs during college. Others think it is a bad idea. Which do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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