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Many students take part-time jobs while studding in university. Do you think it is a good idea or bad idea? v.1

Many students take part-time jobs while studding in university. Do you think it is a good idea or bad idea? v. 1
Education plays a vital role in every individual’s life, regardless of his or her age, nationality and gender. While, A number of persons argue that kids who are not above the age of 10 they should study common subjects, but other people think that they should have freedom to choose subjects according to their interest. I agree with the former statement, and explain it with examples. To commence with, there are various reasons that the student’s should focus on learning as many subjects. Firstly, under age 10 kids are very immature and they do not have a capacity to understand what is right or wrong topic for them. Therefore, They are not able to make decisions, which will affect their future life. Secondly, different subjects can make the base of kids such as; mathematic are necessary for general arithmetic. If children have a basic understanding of every subject, then they can decide about their university study according to their field of interest. Otherwise, they are not enough mature to decide for their development. However, it is certainly true that some people say that children should have the freedom to choose subject according to interest, but there are very few reasons, which support this statement, firstly, under age 10 kids most probably choose the subject related to games and they can gain depth of knowledge in it, like, the physical science. Therefore, their interest will be more towards games and they will not be accompanied by bad habits as well as keep away from drugs. Secondly, parents are very busy so children can spend their leisure time in games, than on social media. In overview, in future their interest will be just in sports and they can not find a job any other field and it will create unemployment. To conclude, while there are few benefits if kids choose subjects according to interest, yet I think if kids study all kinds of subjects it could be fruitful in future.
Education plays a vital role in every individual’s life, regardless of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, nationality and gender. While, A number of persons argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who are not above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 10 they should study common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should have freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
according
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it with examples.

To commence with, there are various reasons that the student’s should focus on learning as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Firstly
, under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
immature and
they do not have a capacity to understand what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
topic for them.
Therefore
, They are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions, which will affect their future life.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the base of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
such as; mathematic are necessary for general arithmetic. If children have a basic understanding of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, then they can decide about their university study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
according
to their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
Otherwise
, they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
mature to decide for their development.

However
, it is
certainly
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that children should have the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
according
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few reasons, which support this statement,
firstly
, under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
most
probably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
related to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they can gain depth of knowledge in it, like, the physical science.
Therefore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
will be more towards
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they will not
be accompanied
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from drugs.
Secondly
, parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children can spend their leisure time in games, than on social media. In overview, in future their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they can not find a job any other field and it will create unemployment.

To conclude
, while there are few benefits if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
according
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
,
yet
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
study all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
it could be fruitful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students take part-time jobs while studding in university. Do you think it is a good idea or bad idea? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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