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729 do you think that meetings between international leaders will become more frequent in the future? v.1

729 do you think that meetings between international leaders will become more frequent in the future? v. 1
It is a common belief that paying commissions on what employees can produce and sell is the right strategy to increase productivity at work. This essay is going to discuss this point of view and disagree with it. Some people see the payment based on how much workers can do the best solution to encourage them to work hard because the more they work, the more they earn. Furthermore, this can have a positive outcome in some companies as it can create competition among co-workers to do their best and consequently, reach a larger profit. For example, in my country every single clothing shop works based on commissions and we can notice the engagement of the salespeople in selling their products rather than in Australia, where professionals in retail receive only their fixed wage. However, this business model does not work for all types of workers' personality. Some people care more about their passion or how worth are the roles they play. When I was working as a clothing store manager, for instance, I was not motivated to sell despite the 30% on commission I could earn on the overall profit of the company. My boss was always pointing out mistakes and never giving compliments on what we did right. Therefore, I was not happy working there and the results of my job were not positive as well. To conclude, I disagree that paying people based on how efficient they can be is not the best approach to obtain brilliant results. There are other ways to drive passion at work since this is not only about money, this is about how we feel at work.
It is a common belief that paying commissions on what employees can produce and sell is the right strategy to increase productivity at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This essay is going to discuss this point of view and disagree with it.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the payment based on how
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
workers can do the best solution to encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the more they earn.
Furthermore
, this can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as it can create competition among co-workers to do their best and
consequently
, reach a larger profit.
For example
, in my country every single clothing shop works based on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
commissions and
we can notice the engagement of the salespeople in selling their products
rather
than in Australia, where professionals in retail receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
wage.

However
, this business model does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for all types of workers' personality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
care more about their passion or how worth are the roles they play. When I was working as a clothing store manager,
for instance
, I was not motivated to sell despite the 30% on commission I could earn on the
overall
profit of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. My boss was always pointing out mistakes and never giving compliments on what we did right.
Therefore
, I was not happy working there and the results of my job were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
.

To conclude
, I disagree that paying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
based on how efficient they can be is not the best approach to obtain brilliant results. There are other ways to drive passion at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
since this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about money, this is about how we feel at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 729 do you think that meetings between international leaders will become more frequent in the future? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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