Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

1685 Describe a Science Lesson that you had in School or University (such as biology, chemistryor physics). You should sayWhen you attend this lessonWhere you attend this lessonWhat you learnedAnd explain what happened in the lesson. v.1

1685 Describe a Science Lesson that you had in School or University (such as biology, chemistryor physics). You should sayWhen you attend this lessonWhere you attend this lessonWhat you learnedAnd explain what happened in the lesson. v. 1
Nowadays, organizing the celebration is an expensive work. While some of the people do not find these fancy gatherings worth due to its cost of planning, others believe the events are important to both individuals and the society. People choose to throw parties for an endless reasons. For the newcomer, they can make better teams. The project kick-off parties are good opportunities to break the ice and help the team members to know each other closely. Celebrating the victory create a sense of success and belonging. The companies do not see get-together as the waste of money and allocate budget to support the events; moreover, they often leave good memories. From our own experiences, we all have happy moments of our birthday parties when we were young. Every family has the great photos taken at the family gatherings in the form of an album. In addition, contrary to what some people believe that spending on parties is a waste of the social resources, they actually create value, either by employing candidates in the party-planning business or by offering people better experiences of human resource management. The popularity of parties, however, causes some tension in the society. They are hard on introverted people who find themselves uncomfortable in the crowd. This is a clinical symptom which psychologists call it “social anxiety disorder”. There are other ways to celebrate important events that may have greater value for their cost. For instance, companies could send out gifts after successful projects and parents could take their children on family trips to celebrate birthdays. In my opinion, while a party is a form of social event that brings many benefits to individuals and the society, other choices should also be considered, either to cut spending or to relieve the stress of those who are not fond of crowded celebrations.
Nowadays, organizing the celebration is an expensive work. While
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not find these fancy gatherings worth due to its cost of planning, others believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to both individuals and the society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
choose to throw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
for an endless
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "reason"?
reasons
. For the newcomer, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better teams. The project kick-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunities to break the ice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the team members to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
closely
. Celebrating the victory create a sense of success and belonging. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together as the waste of money and allocate budget to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
;
moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories. From our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences, we all have happy moments of our birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
when we were young. Every family has the great photos taken at the family gatherings in the form of an album.
In addition
, contrary to what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
is a waste of the social resources, they actually create value, either by employing candidates in the party-planning business or by offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better experiences of human resource management.

The popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
,
however
, causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tension in the society. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on introverted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who find themselves uncomfortable in the crowd. This is a clinical symptom which psychologists call it “social anxiety disorder”. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to celebrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that may have greater value for their cost.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
out gifts after successful projects and parents could take their children on family trips to celebrate birthdays.

In my opinion, while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
is a form of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
that brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to individuals and the society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choices should
also
be considered
, either to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
spending or to relieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of those who are not fond of crowded celebrations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay 1685 Describe a Science Lesson that you had in School or University (such as biology, chemistryor physics). You should sayWhen you attend this lessonWhere you attend this lessonWhat you learnedAnd explain what happened in the lesson. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts