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Every man has a right to proper healthcare. However, private hospitals nowadays are so profit oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion, is this profit making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare? v.1

Every man has a right to proper healthcare. However, private hospitals nowadays are so profit oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion, is this profit making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare? v. 1
It is true that every citizen has a right to get proper healthcare facilities. However, I understand that at present, medical science has been invented many equipment’s, machines as well as apparatus, which enhances medical treatment, services and applications that are increasing total amount of cost in healthcare organization. To begin with, for giving aesthetic and worthy treatment, many private oriented hospitals have to purchase various kinds of machines and materials, whose prices are very high and are needed profuse amount of money for bring these modern tactics. This types of investment are increasing total amount of cost for patients. It can be observed that many private hospital, moreover, have been made their organization by renting house from others, where owners have to deal many amenities with house owners. Many developing and underdeveloped countries in Asian continents, for example, where many owners were built their cherished hospital by making agreement in renting process. Increasing citizen facilities in private hospital has to spend numerous amount of money in case of medicine, housekeeping, lighting and cooling or air condition and so on. On the other hand, rising amount of money in private medical sector has had some negative impacts for individual citizen. The first and most reason is that many people go to private oriented hospital for getting better medical care that they cannot get other oriented hospital’s a matter of fact, they suffer from wrong treatment from desired hospital and many of them have lost their life by the name of treatment. In other words, many people lead their lives with hardship because they cannot earn lots of money that is needed in their families. Therefore, the modern healthcare is a day dream for them. In conclusion, although, modern healthcare amenities are very sagacious for everyone. However, many private organizations are oriented their business in order to earn a lot of money, but all are not same.
It is true that every citizen has a right to
get
proper healthcare facilities.
However
, I understand that at present,
medical
science has
been invented
many
equipment’s, machines
as well
as apparatus, which enhances
medical
treatment
, services and applications that are increasing total
amount
of cost in healthcare organization.

To
begin
with, for giving aesthetic and worthy
treatment
,
many
private
oriented
hospitals
have to
purchase
various kinds of machines and materials, whose prices are
very
high and
are needed
profuse
amount
of
money
for bring these modern tactics. This types of investment are increasing total
amount
of cost for patients. It can
be observed
that
many
private
hospital
,
moreover
, have
been made
their organization by renting
house
from others, where owners
have to
deal
many
amenities with
house
owners.
Many
developing and underdeveloped countries in Asian continents,
for example
, where
many
owners
were built
their cherished
hospital
by making agreement in renting process. Increasing citizen facilities in
private
hospital
has to
spend numerous
amount
of
money
in case of medicine, housekeeping, lighting and cooling or air condition and
so
on.

On the
other
hand, rising
amount
of
money
in
private
medical
sector has had
some
negative
impacts for individual citizen. The
first
and most reason is that
many
people
go to
private
oriented
hospital
for getting better
medical
care that they cannot
get
other
oriented
hospital’s
a matter of fact, they suffer from
wrong
treatment
from desired
hospital
and
many
of them have lost their
life
by the name of
treatment
. In
other
words,
many
people
lead their
lives
with hardship
because
they cannot earn lots of
money
that
is needed
in their families.
Therefore
, the modern healthcare is a day dream for them.

In conclusion
, although, modern healthcare amenities are
very
sagacious for everyone.
However
,
many
private
organizations are
oriented
their business in order to earn
a lot of
money
,
but
all are not same.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay Every man has a right to proper healthcare. However, private hospitals nowadays are so profit oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion, is this profit making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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