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Every man has a right to proper healthcare. However, private hospitals nowadays are so profit oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion, is this profit making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare? v.1

Every man has a right to proper healthcare. However, private hospitals nowadays are so profit oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion, is this profit making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare? v. 1
It is true that every citizen has a right to get proper healthcare facilities. However, I understand that at present, medical science has been invented many equipment’s, machines as well as apparatus, which enhances medical treatment, services and applications that are increasing total amount of cost in healthcare organization. To begin with, for giving aesthetic and worthy treatment, many private oriented hospitals have to purchase various kinds of machines and materials, whose prices are very high and are needed profuse amount of money for bring these modern tactics. This types of investment are increasing total amount of cost for patients. It can be observed that many private hospital, moreover, have been made their organization by renting house from others, where owners have to deal many amenities with house owners. Many developing and underdeveloped countries in Asian continents, for example, where many owners were built their cherished hospital by making agreement in renting process. Increasing citizen facilities in private hospital has to spend numerous amount of money in case of medicine, housekeeping, lighting and cooling or air condition and so on. On the other hand, rising amount of money in private medical sector has had some negative impacts for individual citizen. The first and most reason is that many people go to private oriented hospital for getting better medical care that they cannot get other oriented hospital’s a matter of fact, they suffer from wrong treatment from desired hospital and many of them have lost their life by the name of treatment. In other words, many people lead their lives with hardship because they cannot earn lots of money that is needed in their families. Therefore, the modern healthcare is a day dream for them. In conclusion, although, modern healthcare amenities are very sagacious for everyone. However, many private organizations are oriented their business in order to earn a lot of money, but all are not same.
It is true that every citizen has a right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper healthcare facilities.
However
, I understand that at present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science has
been invented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
equipment’s, machines
as well
as apparatus, which enhances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
, services and applications that are increasing total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of cost in healthcare organization.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, for giving aesthetic and worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
various kinds of machines and materials, whose prices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high and
are needed
profuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for bring these modern tactics. This types of investment are increasing total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of cost for patients. It can
be observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
,
moreover
, have
been made
their organization by renting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
from others, where owners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amenities with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
owners.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developing and underdeveloped countries in Asian continents,
for example
, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
owners
were built
their cherished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
by making agreement in renting process. Increasing citizen facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in case of medicine, housekeeping, lighting and cooling or air condition and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
sector has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts for individual citizen. The
first
and most reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
for getting better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital’s
a matter of fact, they suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
from desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have lost their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
by the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lead their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with hardship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot earn lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that
is needed
in their families.
Therefore
, the modern healthcare is a day dream for them.

In conclusion
, although, modern healthcare amenities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sagacious for everyone.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
organizations are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oriented
their business in order to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all are not same.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Every man has a right to proper healthcare. However, private hospitals nowadays are so profit oriented that they are distracted from providing proper healthcare facilities. In your opinion, is this profit making tendency a hindrance to proper healthcare? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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