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Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. v. 2
No doubt, people’s well-being is influenced by the environment and housing conditions. That is why some people opine that governments should focus more on the environment and housing to prevent various ailments. While I do admit that these areas require attention, in my opinion, by simply addressing environmental abuse and housing scarcity, we cannot see much of an improvement in public health. Indeed, environmental pollution and dirty surroundings cause many fitness problems. For example, air pollution is a major issue in cities and consequently many urban residents suffer from respiratory ailments. Lack of access to clean water is another problem that millions of people face in poor countries. Unhealthy surroundings are the breeding grounds of mosquitoes and fleas which spread many diseases. Therefore, if the government looks into environmental pollution and provides basic housing, amenities such problems can be avoided to a great extent. Nevertheless, simply focusing on the environment and housing will not prevent all diseases. The government has to do much more. It has to allocate a portion of its budget to prevent diseases through vaccinations. It should also spend on screening tests through which serious diseases such as cancer can be detected long before actual symptoms occur. In earlier stages most cancers are totally curable through inexpensive treatments. Launching health awareness campaigns are another thing governments can do to improve public strength. Even if the authority provides housing for all, diseases can still spread if people are ignorant and allow stagnant water to collect in their surroundings. In conclusion, although giving priority to environmental issues and housing will improve public health, a lot more has to be done to eradicate diseases. The ministry, for example, has to launch fitness awareness campaigns, provide free vaccinations and regular energy checkups to ensure that people live a healthy and long life.
No doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
well-being
is influenced
by the environment and housing conditions.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should focus more on the environment and housing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
various ailments. While I do admit that these areas require attention, in my opinion, by
simply
addressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
abuse and housing scarcity, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
much of an improvement in public health.

Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
pollution and dirty surroundings cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fitness problems.
For example
, air pollution is a major issue in cities and
consequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urban residents suffer from respiratory ailments. Lack of access to clean water is another problem that millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face in poor countries. Unhealthy surroundings are the breeding grounds of mosquitoes and fleas which spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Therefore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
looks into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
pollution and provides basic housing, amenities such problems can
be avoided
to a great extent.

Nevertheless
,
simply
focusing on the environment and housing will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do much more. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
allocate a portion of its budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
through vaccinations. It should
also
spend on screening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
through which serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as cancer can
be detected
long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
actual symptoms occur. In earlier stages most cancers are
totally
curable through inexpensive treatments. Launching health awareness campaigns are another thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public strength. Even if the authority provides housing for all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can
still
spread if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ignorant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
stagnant water to collect in their surroundings.

In conclusion
, although giving priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues and housing will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health, a lot more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be done
to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. The ministry,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
launch fitness awareness campaigns, provide free vaccinations and regular energy checkups to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy and long life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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