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Some people think giving time to career improvement is more important, others believe giving time to family and friends is more important. Discuss both views, and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think giving time to career improvement is more important, others believe giving time to family and friends is more important. v. 2
It is true that, with the increase in technology, students are now learning more in Internet and via television programs. However, in my opinion, learning subjects from a teacher gives them better knowledge. There is no doubt that the Internet has got a lot of sources and materials for education. Experts from all over the world publishes their articles, works over the Internet, which is very useful for the students. Not only articles, it also got visual materials to explain a particular topic, which is very helpful for the beginners. Nowadays, even for the toddlers, animated rhymes are available in the Internet that is not only interesting, but in-fact the toddlers enjoy seeing them. In this way, the technological advancement has influenced education in positive ways, resulting in children’s versatile development and their active learning. Although the Internet has got a lot of advantages and benefits, it is still not enough for a student to understand them appropriately. I do not believe that the importance of teachers in the classroom has started to fade. Firstly, every student is unique in their way of understanding a topic, which can be assessed only a teacher. Secondly, with such a lot of sources, most of the students get confused with their understandings. Moreover, the majority of the sources are unreliable. Only a teacher can mentor students properly. In conclusion, it is good to gather or refer information from different sources via the Internet or television programs. However, teachers play a vital role in making students understand the topics better. There in no better thing than a human interaction.
It is true that, with the increase in technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
learning more in Internet and via television programs.
However
, in my opinion, learning subjects from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
gives them better knowledge.

There is no doubt that the Internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
and materials for education. Experts from all over the world publishes their articles, works over the Internet, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
articles, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
visual materials to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
a particular topic, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for the beginners. Nowadays, even for the toddlers, animated rhymes are available
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
that is
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
interesting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in-fact the toddlers enjoy seeing them. In this way, the technological advancement has influenced education in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways, resulting in children’s versatile development and their active learning.

Although the Internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages and benefits, it is
still
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to understand them
appropriately
. I do not believe that the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in the classroom has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to fade.
Firstly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is unique in their way of understanding a topic, which can
be assessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
.
Secondly
, with such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused with their understandings.
Moreover
, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
are unreliable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can mentor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
properly
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to gather or refer information from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
via the Internet or television programs.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a vital role in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand the topics better. There in no better thing than a human interaction.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think giving time to career improvement is more important, others believe giving time to family and friends is more important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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