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Some believed that spending time with family and friends is the best while others believe that time should rather be spent on career improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some believed that spending time with family and friends is the best while others believe that time should rather be spent on career improvement. v. 1
Family and friends is a unit of people that have common relationship together and one of the mutual relationship they share together is time. Some people opine that allocating time with family and friends is of great importance while others believe that time should be expended on occupational growth. I agree that use of time should be apportioned to relatives and close friends. On the one hand, some people are of the opinion that utilising time on career is beneficial in life. One of the reasons for this claim is that, there are retirement benefits that is attached after spending many years in an office. In addition, an employee enjoys promotion after some years of working with an organisation. For example, an organisation where I work with recently reviewed its occupational benefits for its staffs that has worked for 5years. This is part of career growth that add up to spending time in an organisation. Secondly, utilising time in a career development, connects an individual to substantial people in which ordinarily might be difficult to have a relationship with. Similarly its promotes recommendation in which a boss can decide to transfer such individual to supervise another branch. Therefore dedicating time in ones job brings about good result. On the other hand, other people suggested that utilising time with family and friends is the best and I concur. One of them is that they are reliable. In other words, getting supports from family and friends is essential especially in time of trouble. This could be financial and physical supports. To illustrate, a relative of mine was sacked and the only place he could get help was from his relatives. In essence keeping ensuring a good relationship with ones family promote peace and love. Also having a cordial relationship and spending much time with family and friends promotes peace in the society. This is because, no one would envy each others progress and it would also allow each persons to render help easily without returns. In conclusion, in as much as some people supports allocating time to career, I concede that expending time with family and friends is paramount.
Family
and
friends
is a unit of
people
that have common
relationship
together and one of the mutual
relationship
they share together is
time
.
Some
people
opine that allocating
time
with
family
and
friends
is of great importance while others believe that
time
should
be expended
on occupational growth. I
agree
that
use
of
time
should
be apportioned
to relatives and close friends.

On the one hand,
some
people
are of the opinion that
utilising
time
on
career
is beneficial in life. One of the reasons for this claim is that, there are retirement benefits that
is attached
after spending
many
years in an office.
In addition
, an employee enjoys promotion after
some
years of working with an
organisation
.
For example
, an
organisation
where I work with recently reviewed its occupational benefits for its staffs that has worked for 5years. This is part of
career
growth that
add
up to spending
time
in an
organisation
.
Secondly
,
utilising
time
in a
career
development, connects an individual to substantial
people
in which
ordinarily
might be difficult to have a
relationship
with.
Similarly
its promotes recommendation in which a boss can decide to transfer such individual to supervise another branch.
Therefore
dedicating
time
in
ones
job brings about
good
result.

On the
other
hand,
other
people
suggested that
utilising
time
with
family
and
friends
is the best and I concur. One of them is that they are reliable. In
other
words, getting supports from
family
and
friends
is essential
especially
in
time
of trouble. This could be financial and physical supports. To illustrate, a relative of mine
was sacked
and the
only
place he could
get
help
was from his relatives. In essence keeping ensuring a
good
relationship
with
ones
family
promote peace and
love
.
Also
having a cordial
relationship
and spending much
time
with
family
and
friends
promotes peace in the society. This is
because
, no one would envy each others progress and it would
also
allow
each
persons
to render
help
easily
without returns.

In conclusion
, in as much as
some
people
supports
allocating
time
to
career
, I concede that expending
time
with
family
and
friends
is paramount.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believed that spending time with family and friends is the best while others believe that time should rather be spent on career improvement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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