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Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. v. 4
Art is the expression of ideas and imaginations which require a certain degree of freedom for artists to flourish their creativity. While other people think that artists ought to have complete freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. I would agree with the former argument that a certain amount of independence is necessary for expressing one’s ideas. To begin with, as the literal definition of art states that it is the expression of ideas and imagination, artists do require some autonomy when it comes to choosing the medium to exert their artistic capability. This allows artists not only to convey their ideas conveniently and comfortably but also take their creative skills to the next level. But it is commonly observed that in some conservative societies due to religious, political or cultural norms, certain art mediums such as dance, music, painting, and sculpture are discouraged. This not only deprives the creativity of artists and but also left them depressed and frustrated. However, it is also seen in some liberal societies where artists are granted unlimited freedom to express their thoughts on any topic of their choice, often ends up in chaos and unrest in the community. Some artists under the cover of freedom of expression often cross their limits and disrespect other people’s beliefs and ideologies. For instance, a couple of years ago, blasphemous cartoons published in Denmark and Norway hurt the emotions of Muslims and caused aggression and hatred around the world. In conclusion, while other people’s opinions may vary, in my opinion, artists should have sufficient freedom to express their ideas through their medium of choice and respect other people’s beliefs and ideologies when exerting their thoughts.
Art is the expression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and imaginations which require a certain degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to flourish their creativity. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
ought to have complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to express any thoughts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former argument that a certain amount of independence is necessary for expressing one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as the literal definition of art states that it is the expression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and imagination,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
autonomy when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to choosing the medium to exert their artistic capability. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to convey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
conveniently
and
comfortably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
take their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the
next
level.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
commonly
observed that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conservative societies due to religious, political or cultural norms, certain art mediums such as dance, music, painting, and sculpture
are discouraged
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deprives the creativity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
them depressed and frustrated.

However
, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
liberal societies where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are granted
unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to express their thoughts on any topic of their choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ends up in chaos and unrest in the community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
under the cover of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of expression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cross their limits and disrespect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
beliefs and ideologies.
For instance
, a couple of years ago, blasphemous cartoons published in Denmark and Norway hurt the emotions of Muslims and caused aggression and hatred around the world.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinions may vary, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to express their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
through their medium of choice and respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
beliefs and ideologies when exerting their thoughts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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