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Todays, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ? v.1

Todays, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. ? v. 1
In many cities, people prefer to live in small flats while others feel more comfortable with spacious accomodation blocks. In my opinion, the disadvantages of large apartments outweigh their advantages. On the one hand, some families choose to start their life in big flats, as this will ensure more comfy lifestyle to them, especially large family, in which each member gets the opportunity to have his or her own private room. In addition, such kind of housing styles, usually established in a vast lot area and that will decrease population concentration. As a result, less troubles among families, Moreover, these complexes commonly have an elegant architectural design that adds more beauty to the city outlook. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of such manner of living. Firstly, the city will need to allocate large areas specified for population resettlement and this will be at the cost of removing many green zones in the region. Also the districts need to be placed far away from the city centre which will create another problem regarding transportation difficulties. Secondly, such kind of apartments are usually expensive and not everyone is able to afford the price. Added to that, they need good services with some hardship in keeping them clean all the time. Lastly but not the least, big flats electricity expenditure is higher than small one, as a result, keeping them warm during winter or cold during summer is another challenge. In conclusion, although large accomodation seems luxurious and attractive to many, there are disappointing facts need to be considered carefully.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
flats while others feel more comfortable with spacious
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
blocks. In my opinion, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
apartments outweigh their advantages.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
flats, as this will ensure more comfy lifestyle to them,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
family, in which each member
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the opportunity to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private room.
In addition
, such kind of housing styles,
usually
established in a vast
It seems that there's a missing preposition after 'vast'.
lot
area and that will decrease population concentration.
As a result
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun troubles is countable.
less
troubles among families,
Moreover
, these complexes
commonly
have an elegant architectural design that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
more beauty to the city outlook.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of such manner of living.
Firstly
, the city will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
areas specified for population resettlement and this will be at the cost of removing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
green zones in the region.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the districts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be placed
far away from the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
which will create another problem regarding transportation difficulties.
Secondly
, such kind of apartments are
usually
expensive and not everyone is able to afford the price.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
to that, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
services with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hardship in keeping them clean all the time.
Lastly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
flats electricity expenditure is higher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
one,
as a result
, keeping them warm during winter or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
during summer is another challenge.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
seems luxurious and attractive to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, there are disappointing facts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be considered
carefully
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Todays, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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