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Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. v. 2
These days, modern people are keen to have a small household rather than an extended family. The life is developing faster than before. In this regard, many people are career-oriented or have not enough money to support their family members, if they are willing to have more children. Due to these main reasons, many people tend to think that small domiciliary is better that a larger one. However, personally, I believe that having an extended family is beneficial for the people who can support the relatives and parents. On the one hand, it is true that a big household can be support for the relatives, because many people believe that the family ties are worth more that gold. They can help and motivate each other in case of bad situations. Furthermore, these people can have a lot of fun together. For example, they spend time with each other during the public holidays such as Christmas, Independence day and Thanksgiving day. On the other hand, the main reason for having a small household is cost effectiveness. That is to say, many people can only have a few children due to lack of money. Furthermore, the high cost of accomodation and apartments make the situation even worse. To illustrate, to live in a convenient life, people should earn enough money to buy a house, which their descendants live. In addition, many youngsters are willing to enjoy the life. In this regard, they are not keen to engage at younger ages. Consequently, when they get older, they cannot have many children. In conclusion, although many people believe that the nuclear family is beneficial, a larger number of members can be useful is a bad situation. In addition to this, they can feel the motivation and help from them. In these reasons, I believe that more children mean a more fun.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
household
rather
than an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The life is developing faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are career-oriented or have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, if they are willing to have more children. Due to these main reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
domiciliary is better that a larger one.
However
,
personally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that having an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can support the relatives and parents.

On the one hand, it is true that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
household can be support for the relatives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties are worth more that gold. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and motivate each other in case of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situations.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fun together.
For example
, they spend time with each other during the public holidays such as Christmas,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Independence day
and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Thanksgiving day
.

On the other hand
, the main reason for having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
household is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cost effectiveness
.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have a few children due to lack of money.
Furthermore
, the high cost of
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
and apartments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the situation even worse. To illustrate, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a convenient life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, which their descendants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are willing to enjoy the life. In this regard, they are not keen to engage at younger ages.
Consequently
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, they cannot have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is beneficial, a larger number of members can be useful is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation.
In addition
to this, they can feel the motivation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from them.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
these reasons, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that more children mean a more fun.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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