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Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. v. 2
While some individuals consider that sport which instill the competitive spirit play a significant role in the education of children, there are some who think that it will adversely impact them. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I, however, opine that it is good that young one should be encouraged to participate in the sports that involve competition. To commence with, a vast majority of people are in favour of the participation of students in the sports activities. This is because when they play games, such as football, basketball, handball, and many more, then at that particular time participant from different economic backgrounds will spend healthy time together. As a result, social discrimination would no longer exist among them. What is more, they learn the feeling of cooperation, team-spirit and leadership qualities. For instance, if weekly sports tournaments are organised by the school administration, then tremendous students will participate which enhance various skills, and further, it stimulates their behaviour and might prove helpful in the overall development of the children. In short, such sports should be mandatory for every student in the schools. On the other hand, another section of the community claims that the inclusion of these sports has negative influences on the children's life despite its usefulness. Since whenever they indulge themselves in these games, they also learn to win at all cost. Consequently, it is possible that they may adopt unfair means to achieve their goals. To cite an example, house tournaments which are often held at the school level, sometimes disrupt the healthy bond of relationships among the school students. This way there are certain possibilities that competitive sports may have an adverse effect on the mental growth of pupils. In conclusion, whether to include sports in the school curriculum or not has become a controversial issue. One section of the society strongly opposes this, whereas others are in favour of the statement. I personally favour the involvement of sports in the syllabus of the institutions imparting education.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
which instill the competitive spirit play a significant role in the education of children, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will
adversely
impact them. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I,
however
, opine that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that young one should
be encouraged
to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that involve competition.

To commence with, a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they play games, such as football, basketball, handball, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, then at that particular time participant from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
economic backgrounds will spend healthy time together.
As a result
, social discrimination would no longer exist among them.
What is more
, they learn the feeling of cooperation, team-spirit and leadership qualities.
For instance
, if weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tournaments are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
administration, then tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will participate which enhance various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
further
, it stimulates their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and might prove helpful in the
overall
development of the children. In short, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be mandatory for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in the schools.

On the other hand
, another section of the community claims that the inclusion of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on the children's life despite its usefulness. Since whenever they indulge themselves in these games, they
also
learn to win at all cost.
Consequently
, it is possible that they may adopt unfair means to achieve their goals. To cite an example,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
tournaments which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
held at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
disrupt the healthy bond of relationships among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This way there are certain possibilities that competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may have an adverse effect on the mental growth of pupils.

In conclusion
, whether to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum or not has become a controversial issue. One section of the society
strongly
opposes this, whereas others are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the statement. I
personally
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the syllabus of the institutions imparting education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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