Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. v. 2
There is a growing debate among experts that disputes between people is rising due to competitive sports while others believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. I will discuss my view on both sides, but, in my opinion, competitive sports should be considered as a game and nothing more. One benefit of the competitive sports is that people can be inspired by their favourite sportsmen. They can lead a determined and successful life by following principles of their heroes. For example, India worships cricket as a religion because of Sachin Tendulkar, one of the great batsmen of his time. He inspired the whole country to participate in cricket and now, India has produced several great cricketers such as Virat Kohli. Other benefits of such an event are that it brings people of different regions or countries together in solidarity to enjoy the game. Sometimes, people get carried away in competitive sports and take a loss or win personally. This leads to offensive behaviour towards the opposing team. Many a times, it can be seen in sport events that people feel frustrated when their team losses and create ruckus. For example, whenever India and Pakistan have their matches, although players may play it professionally, the crowd can become charged up and harass each other’s country. This kind of behaviour can lead to an uproar among the people such as harming each other. In conclusion, I believe competitive sports are an excellent way to promote enjoyment and solidarity among people of different cultures. We should realize that there will always be losers and winners in a game, but that should not create an environment of mass hysteria.
There is a growing debate among experts that disputes between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
rising due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
while others believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. I will discuss my view on both sides,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be considered
as a game and nothing more.

One benefit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be inspired
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sportsmen. They can lead a determined and successful life by following principles of their heroes.
For example
, India worships cricket as a religion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, one of the great batsmen of his time. He inspired the whole country to participate in cricket and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, India has produced several great cricketers such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
. Other benefits of such an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
are that it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions or countries together in solidarity to enjoy the game.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
carried away in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and take a loss or win
personally
. This leads to offensive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards the opposing team.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a time" or simply "times"?
a times
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel frustrated when their team losses and create ruckus.
For example
, whenever India and Pakistan have their matches, although players may play it
professionally
, the crowd can become charged up and harass each other’s country. This kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can lead to an uproar among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as harming each other.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are an excellent way to promote enjoyment and solidarity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. We should realize that there will always be losers and winners in a game,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that should not create an environment of mass hysteria.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts