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Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. v. 1
It is true that media influences people. The main impact this has on society is that people are buying unimportant things, and it is having a negative effect because many people are having financial problems due to excessive spending. To begin with, media influences people into buying products that they do not need by bombarding them with advertisements. Many individuals, who watch commercials on television, think that if they buy a certain brand their status in society will be higher. As a result, they make impulse purchases without realizing the need for these items. For example, a recent survey conducted by World Mobile Magazine found that 40% of consumers replaced their phones with newer models after seeing celebrity endorsements in various magazines and newspapers. The negative outcome of this is that numerous people are facing financial crisis because of over-spending. Many individuals take loans and credit cards from banks and other lending agencies to facilitate their spending habits, and consequently, end up in bankruptcy. For example, a study conducted in 2018 by American Banking School found that 20% of the people took loans from banks to buy luxurious cars after watching in on television even though they knew they could not pay back. In conclusion, media sources like television and newspapers are a powerful tool that can influence people into buying things they do not require, and this is having a negative impact on people’s savings. It is recommended that the government spreads an an awareness campaign to help people realize the consequences of being influenced by advertisements, and also implement laws to deter them from applying for credit cards and loans.
It is true that media influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The main impact this has on society is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are buying unimportant things, and it is having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having financial problems due to excessive spending.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, media influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into buying products that they do not need by bombarding them with advertisements.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
commercials on television,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a certain brand their status in society will be higher.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
impulse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
without realizing the need for these items.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by World Mobile Magazine found that 40% of consumers replaced their phones with newer models after seeing celebrity endorsements in various magazines and newspapers.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome of this is that numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing financial crisis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over-spending.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals take loans and credit cards from banks and other lending agencies to facilitate their spending habits, and
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in bankruptcy.
For example
, a study conducted in 2018 by American Banking School found that 20% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
took loans from banks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxurious cars after watching in on television
even though
they knew they could not pay back.

In conclusion
, media sources like television and newspapers are a powerful tool that can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into buying things they do not require, and this is having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
savings. It
is recommended
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spreads
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "an" or "an" is left.
an an
awareness campaign to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize the consequences of
being influenced
by advertisements, and
also
implement laws to deter them from applying for credit cards and loans.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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