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Some companies like to employ younger and enthusiastic people; other companies like to employ older and experienced people. If you were a boss, whom kind of people do you like to employ. Give reasons and specific examples to illustrate your answer. v.2

Some companies like to employ younger and enthusiastic people; other companies like to employ older and experienced people. If you were a boss, whom kind of people do you like to employ. Give reasons and specific examples to illustrate your answer. v. 2
Human resources and hiring section of any company is its most important part, since it decides the policy of company about recruitment of new staff. A number of companies like to hire more experienced people for their firm. However, a few others believe that hiring from young generation can benefit them more efficiently. I think hiring young talented people can help any company due to some reasons which I am going to illustrate below. First, young graduated people can assist the firm which they are hired to keep itself up to date with recent advanced technological developments. Because, they were just finished their academic studies with most recent methods that can be shared with companies’ older staff to orchestrate the developing of the company coherently. Secondly, fresh minds of young specialists can push the company toward novel areas which can expand the company’s fields of expertise which may lead to new markets that can increase the total revenues of the firm increasingly. For example, I have worked in a pharmaceutical office where they mostly focus their sales on common drugs. But, after changing their recruitment plan in managerial board, they gradually started to hire and interview with young ambitious engineers whom they hired a number of them. Eventually, these new folks fundamentally altered the strategy of the company by proposing them to sell natural drugs beside their main products. This increased the company’s incomes by 50 percent in less than a year that is directly assessed to be due to the addition new line of products. Last but not least, any successful company or research faculty should have feasible long term plans and strategies for their future business. Hiring young people with brilliant ideas have the ability to fulfill this hypothesis for any firm. As, they inject the company with science changes and challenges which can assist them to thrive together. Whereas, if they accept older experienced people, they may be not as enthusiastic as younger ones to lead the company in a right direction, since they have achieved anything they wanted during their long time of work. In conclusion, accepting new persons in any company can be controversial. Some may prefer experienced safe choices. However, some others may like to try hiring a young generation. These reasons I mentioned above clearly indicated the obvious benefits of using younger people who can garentee a company’s future.
Human resources and
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hiring
section of any
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company
is its most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part, since it decides the policy of
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company
about recruitment of
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new
staff. A number of
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companies
like to hire more experienced
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people
for their
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firm
.
However
, a few others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation can benefit them more
efficiently
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
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hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
talented
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people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
any
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company
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which I am going to illustrate below.

First
,
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young
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can assist the
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firm
which they
are hired
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
itself up to date with recent advanced technological developments.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished their academic studies with most recent methods that can
be shared
with
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companies’
older staff to orchestrate the developing of the
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company
coherently
.

Secondly
, fresh minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
specialists can push the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
toward novel areas which can expand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
fields of expertise which may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
markets that can increase the total revenues of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
increasingly
.
For example
, I have worked in a pharmaceutical office where they
mostly
focus their sales on common drugs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, after changing their recruitment plan in managerial board, they
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to hire and interview with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ambitious engineers whom they hired a number of them.
Eventually
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
folks
fundamentally
altered the strategy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by proposing them to sell natural drugs beside their main products. This increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
incomes by 50 percent in less than a year
that is
directly
assessed to be due to the addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
line of products.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, any successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or research faculty should have feasible long term plans and strategies for their future business.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
have the ability to fulfill this hypothesis for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
. As, they inject the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and challenges which can assist them to thrive together. Whereas, if they accept older experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they may be not as enthusiastic as younger ones to lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in a right direction, since they have achieved anything they wanted during their long time of work.

In conclusion
, accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
persons in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can be controversial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may prefer experienced safe choices.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others may like to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. These reasons I mentioned above
clearly
indicated the obvious benefits of using younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
Possible spelling mistake found.
garentee
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies like to employ younger and enthusiastic people; other companies like to employ older and experienced people. If you were a boss, whom kind of people do you like to employ. Give reasons and specific examples to illustrate your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
396 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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