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Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. v. 2
Opinions are divided on whether businesses should recruit old people because they have much working experience or whether it brings more benefits to hire young people. Both sides of this argument will be discussed in the essay below before my view on this matter is drawn in the end. On the one hand, there are some reasons why the employers should hire old people. Firstly, old people have worked for many years so they have accumulated working experience. This might allow them to cope very well with problems related to interpersonal communications both inside and outside of the company, which brings success to the firm they work for. Secondly, their years of experience in the workplace give elderly people the confidence, which helps them not to hesitate to share their recommendations and valuable ideas with managers. As a result, the enterprise will work more efficiently. On the other hand, I understand why some people believe that the firm should employ young people. From their point of view, younger people are more willing to learn new things and are not burdened by previous experience and ways of doing things. Therefore, the business will not take too much time and effort to train their new staff. Another point to be made is that young people are brought up in the digital and internet age. This help them can absorb the technology at a higher pace, which leads to the fact that innovation and change take place in organizations. In conclusion, I would side with those who believe that it is more beneficial to employ young people.
Opinions
are divided
on whether businesses should recruit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have much working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
or whether it brings more benefits to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Both sides of this argument will
be discussed
in the essay below
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my view on this matter
is drawn
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why the employers should hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have accumulated working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. This might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to cope
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well with problems related to interpersonal communications both inside and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which brings success to the firm they work for.
Secondly
, their years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in the workplace give elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the confidence, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them not to hesitate to share their recommendations and valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with managers.
As a result
, the enterprise will work more
efficiently
.

On the other hand
, I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the firm should employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. From their point of view, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more willing to learn new things and are not burdened by previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and ways of doing things.
Therefore
, the business will not take too much time and effort to train their new staff. Another point to
be made
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are brought
up in the digital and internet age. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them can absorb the technology at a higher pace, which leads to the fact that innovation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
take place in organizations.

In conclusion
, I would side with those who believe that it is more beneficial to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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