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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. v. 3
People who commit crimes deserve to be punished so that they don't repeat the crime. Many people believe that instead of putting every prisoner behind the bars, some should be made to do unpaid community service, and I tend to agree with them. In this essay, I am going to support my view with relevant examples. Firstly, people who commit petty crimes such as robbery of food should be made to take part in community service. This is because the crime is not harmful to others and community service can help them realize their mistakes. For example, doing community service one may encounter several people and understand how hard everyone works to sustain themselves. This can help them in developing empathy towards others which can result in a reduced crime rate and a safer nation. On the other hand, if the ones who commit these petty crimes are sent to jail, they may be influenced by other criminals. For instance, a burglar, who only steals from small shops, can be influenced by others about the money involved in robbing banks. It can lead to the individual committing more serious crimes once they are released from prison thus increasing the crime rate. To conclude, although criminals should be punished, the punishment should be based on the crime an individual commits. In my view, the advantages of developing empathy and the reduced influence of other criminals due to community service can help in reducing the crime rate and is the best possible solution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
deserve to
be punished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they don't repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
instead
of putting every prisoner behind the bars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
should
be made
to do unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, and I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. In this essay, I am going to support my view with relevant examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as robbery of food should
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is not harmful to others and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them realize their mistakes.
For example
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
one may encounter several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and understand how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
everyone works to sustain themselves. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in developing empathy towards others which can result in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and a safer nation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
these petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to jail, they may
be influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
criminals.
For instance
, a burglar,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
steals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shops, can
be influenced
by others about the money involved in robbing banks. It can lead to the individual committing more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
once they
are released
from prison
thus
increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

To conclude
, although criminals should
be punished
, the punishment should
be based
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commits
. In my view, the advantages of developing empathy and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
criminals due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and is the best possible solution.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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