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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 3
In recent decades, the idea of allowing criminals to carry out unpaid social work, namely cleaning garbages and cultivating trees, as opposed to standing behind bars has gained in publicity, creating tension in the public. While many maintain that this is an effective way to bring them back to the life, I assert that criminals will take advantage of this to commit again. Admittedly, the option to enable prisoners to help community brings several positive effects such as awareness of money and skills, which will be further discussed. For one thing, people who commit a crime will have their own skills after doing suitable jobs including cleaning street or cultivating trees. According to a survey in Ho Chi Minh city in 2019 by local police offices, for instance, they found that not only adapted criminals with a present life after being released the jail but they also made a fortune by their own skills after doing community work. Another thing, working in difficult conditions assists criminals in understanding how hard do other individuals earn money. Therefore, this raises their awareness of money, which abandons their stealing behaviours. On the other hand, It is still likely that individuals who carry out a crime may have a few pitfalls. Firstly, local people will not feel peaceful when they suffer from criminals on a daily basis. In this way, If prisoners carry out by their side, they have possibility to hurt or even worse kill whether those no longer have a reason to live. Secondly, individuals who carry out a crime are likely to escape from police’s control. Perhaps the best example of this would be Ha who is a serious criminal in the VietNam If the police office has not allowed him to work in the public, he would not dig a small tunnel to run away from them because of lacking their strict controls To recapitulate briefly, some reckon that prisoners ought to be given an opportunity to undertake in the community rather than putting them in the jail. I highly believe that when they work in a place in which have strict controls from policies, they will learn a myriad of skills for themselves and arrange a new life after being released.
In recent decades, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out unpaid social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
namely
cleaning
Possible spelling mistake found.
garbages
and cultivating trees, as opposed to standing behind bars has gained in publicity, creating tension in the public. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
maintain that this is an effective way to bring them back to the life, I assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will take advantage of this to commit again.

Admittedly
, the option to enable prisoners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
community brings several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects such as awareness of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which will be
further
discussed. For one thing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit a crime will have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
after doing suitable jobs including cleaning street or cultivating trees. According to a survey in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
in 2019 by local police offices,
for instance
, they found that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adapted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
with a present life after
being released
the jail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
made a fortune by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
after doing community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Another thing, working in difficult conditions assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in understanding how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
do other individuals earn money.
Therefore
, this raises their awareness of money, which abandons their stealing
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

On the other hand
, It is
still
likely that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out a crime may have a few pitfalls.
Firstly
, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not feel peaceful when they suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
on a daily basis. In this way, If prisoners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out by their side, they have possibility to hurt or even worse kill whether those no longer have a reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Secondly
, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out a crime are likely to escape from police’s control. Perhaps the best example of this would be Ha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
VietNam
If the police office has not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the public, he would not dig a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
tunnel to run away from them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lacking their strict
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
controls


To recapitulate
briefly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reckon that prisoners ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to undertake in the community
rather
than putting them in the jail. I
highly
believe that when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a place in which have strict controls from policies, they will learn a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for themselves and arrange a new life after
being released
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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