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Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. To what extent do you agree? v.5

Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 5
Nowadays, internet has a vast amount of information from culture and history. There are some arguments about the museum that they are redundant But, I utterly disagree with this statement. Therefore, I will discuss in further paragraphs about a certain assent. To begin with, undoubtedly, online platforms have huge data about artefacts but, seeing museums in a physical manner it’s a different and realistic experience. For example, folks can see the statue of unity via internet, but watch in online encyclopedia does not provide you the accurate practical experience. You cannot predict the exact measurements. Watch an image and seeing directly in a realistic approach, provides a diverse attribute. The internet gives accurate knowledge, but it seems that it’s insufficient and does not issue contentment. Secondly, the museum can help in the revenue of the government. With ticket amount museums can be transformed into a refurbished building and aid the government. Anyone can envisage about paintings and artefacts by the internet, but they do not get a real experience. For instance, if a museum is surrounded by shops, cafes, and restaurants their pursuit can bring people to them and people can buy small antiques and can have a meal in a restaurant and it will aid the owner and employee. The museum has archaic antiques and paintings, these are very salient & essential for the national prestige. All the antiques have a special dignity. However, efforts must be made for the integrity of museums, art galleries and they should also be refurbished by the country to boost the economy and beneficial for people. To conclude, a nation’s historical and cultural treasures abound in museums. Therefore, there must be maintained.
Nowadays, internet has a vast amount of information from culture and history. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
that they are redundant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
utterly
disagree with this statement.
Therefore
, I will discuss in
further
paragraphs about a certain assent.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
undoubtedly
, online platforms have huge data about
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
Consider replacing "in a physical manner" with the adverb for "physical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a physical manner
it’s a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and realistic experience.
For example
, folks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the statue of unity via internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
in online encyclopedia does not provide you the accurate practical experience. You cannot predict the exact measurements.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Watch
an image and seeing
directly
in a realistic approach, provides a diverse attribute. The internet gives accurate knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems that it’s insufficient and does not issue contentment.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the revenue of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. With ticket amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can
be transformed
into a refurbished building and aid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Anyone can envisage about paintings and
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
by the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a real experience.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is surrounded
by shops,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, and restaurants their pursuit can bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
antiques and can have a meal in a restaurant and it will aid the owner and employee. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
has archaic antiques and paintings, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
salient & essential for the national prestige. All the antiques have a special dignity.
However
, efforts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
for the integrity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, art
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
galleries and
they should
also
be refurbished
by the country to boost the economy and beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, a nation’s historical and cultural treasures abound in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Therefore
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be maintained
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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