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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 2
With the escalating population, crime rates are also mounting signs. Some people opine that specific criminals should be allowed to perform community work without any reward rather than anticipating a custodial sentence. This essay will highlight why the parallel idea might help in some extend but not for all cases. To begin with, some life and death crimes made by the criminals must be punished heavily to prevent reiterating those misdeeds. Offences such as murders, kidnapping, hijacking are pretty serious and such criminals must be put behind bars or provide capital punishment as only penalizing by performing no payment community services can be too soft for them and might repeat time and again. For example, the constitution of Nepal has introduced to provide either lifelong imprisonment or hang till death to the lawbreaker committing a critical felony which resulted in abating illegal act rates. On the other hand, petty crimes such as shoplifting, pickpocketing should be given community services without recompense as punishment because this supports the development of the community. As no extra workers are required and no payment to be given so that the money gained from such could be utilized to develop some other factor within the society such as schools, healthcare centres, recreational centres, etc. To cite an example, this rule was followed by laws of Nepal recently and funds collected from such was deployed in building healthcare centre and health issues has reduced remarkably. Personally speaking offences not too consequential can be made to execute community work without reward, but crucial misdeeds should be punished accordingly. Laws should be implemented in such way, no criminal should ever acknowledge to iterate any crimes be it simple or complicated ones.
With the escalating population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are
also
mounting signs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work without any reward
rather
than anticipating a custodial sentence. This essay will highlight why the parallel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "extent" ('extent' is a noun, 'extend' is a verb)?
extend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for all cases.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
life and death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
made by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be punished
heavily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
reiterating those misdeeds.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Offences' is British English.
Offences
such as murders, kidnapping, hijacking are pretty serious and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be put
behind bars or provide capital punishment as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
penalizing by performing no payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
services can be too soft for them and might repeat time and again.
For example
, the constitution of Nepal has introduced to provide either lifelong imprisonment or hang till death to the lawbreaker committing a critical felony which resulted in abating illegal act rates.

On the other hand
, petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as shoplifting,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pickpocketing
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
services without recompense as punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this supports the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. As no extra workers
are required
and no payment to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the money gained from such could
be utilized
to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other factor within the society such as schools, healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, recreational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, etc. To cite an example, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
was followed
by laws of Nepal recently and funds collected from such
was deployed
in building healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and health issues has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
remarkably
.

Personally
speaking
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
not too consequential can
be made
to execute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work without reward,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
crucial misdeeds should
be punished
accordingly
. Laws should
be implemented
in such way, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
should ever acknowledge to iterate any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
be it simple or complicated ones.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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