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"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. " To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. " v. 3
Child rearing is the crucial part of the life and the parents are equally responsible for bringing the children up. Some people believe that mothers have the upper hand in decisions regarding pregnancy. On the other hand, others argue that the father is the held responsible to make decisions. As such, there are both merits and demerits, In my view, I feel that men and women are equally responsible in decision making. Firstly, in many county’s women have moved out of their traditional home keepers and started to work equally with men in the job market; however, women go through several physical and mental changes to their lifestyle and it seems that they are extra sensitive in deciding to have a baby. For instance, Japanese employers do not encourage women employees to hire because they know that they will leave the job once they join motherhood. Needless to say, motherhood has the most influence in family decisions. Secondly, another pivotal aspect is that father’s also play a crucial part in the rearing techniques. Men always plan ahead of time and they calculate the risk factors and plan ahead of time to have a happy life. Moreover, men are better in terms of saving money in long terms compared to women. For example, researchers seemed that working men save more money for the future compared to women for financial security. Hence, men have equal ideologies and key member to consider in decision making. In conclusion, we can clearly understand that each parent has an equal right and mutual understanding and agreement will make the baby growing process easier and better. Finally, the role of father and mother are too dire to ignore.
Child rearing is the crucial part of the life and the parents are
equally
responsible for bringing the children up.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that mothers have the upper hand in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
regarding pregnancy.
On the other hand
, others argue that the father is the held responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. As such, there are both merits and demerits, In my view, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
equally
responsible in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
county’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
out of their traditional home keepers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work
equally
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the job market;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
go through several physical and mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to their lifestyle and it seems that they are extra sensitive in deciding to have a baby.
For instance
, Japanese employers do not encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
employees to hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the job once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
motherhood. Needless to say, motherhood has the most influence in family decisions.

Secondly
, another pivotal aspect is that father’s
also
play a crucial part in the rearing techniques.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
always plan ahead of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they calculate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors and plan ahead of time to have a happy life.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are better in terms of saving money in long terms compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
For example
, researchers seemed that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
save more money for the future compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for financial security.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have equal ideologies and key member to consider in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.

In conclusion
, we can
clearly
understand that each parent has an equal right and mutual understanding and agreement will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the baby growing process easier and better.
Finally
, the role of father and mother are too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay "Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. " v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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