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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. v. 2
Everywhere in the world, nations are faced by some people who commit crimes. Somebody believes that putting some people in jails is not a good idea and instead, the government should enforce prisoners to participate in social activities for free. I agree with this idea and I reckon, working unpaid is better than sending persons to jail. In this essay, we are going to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of free work by certain guilty persons instead of being these persons in jails. Since keeping persons as a prisoner requires a huge budget to expend for food, cloth, health and so on, so it is not easy for states to afford the costs, the monies can spend in other fields like education. Furthermore, there are many people in prisons who are delinquent or just arrested because of financial reasons like bankruptcy or even small crimes such as hitting someone by accident. Keeping this people has negative influence on them. On the top of that, such prisoner has families who need them, undoubtedly. Thus, it is not a good idea to put such people behind the bars. They can work for governments for free such as, training their skills to others or making food for poor people. Applicant works are not advised for all offenders, of course. Most of the people who commit crimes are dangerous for society and have potential to break the law again. Because of that, getting this people out of the jail leads to anarchy, raising the illegal works and diminution of security in the community. To conclude, in my opinion, the government can reduce the number of prisoners by replacing their punishments and force some of them to do volunteer activities and expend the extra jail's budget in education and teaching the right way to live.
Everywhere in the world, nations
are faced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit crimes. Somebody believes that putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in jails is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
instead
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
to participate in social activities for free. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and I reckon, working unpaid is better than sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
to jail. In this essay, we are going to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by certain guilty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
instead
of being these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in jails.

Since keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
requires a huge budget to expend for food, cloth, health and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is not easy for states to afford the costs, the monies can spend in other fields like education.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in prisons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are delinquent or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
arrested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of financial reasons like bankruptcy or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
crimes such as hitting someone by accident. Keeping this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on them. On the top of that, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
has families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need them,
undoubtedly
.
Thus
, it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to put such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behind the bars. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
for free such as, training their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to others or making food for poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Applicant works are not advised for all offenders,
of course
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit crimes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for society and have potential to break the law again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, getting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of the jail leads to anarchy, raising the illegal works and diminution of security in the community.

To conclude
, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
by replacing their punishments and force
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them to do volunteer activities and expend the extra jail's budget in education and teaching the right way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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