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Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. v. 1
Art is a way of expressing ideas and imaginations. There is a notion that government should not pay for the arts (for example, painting and music), instead it's worth spending money on other major issues: healthcare programmes and education system. I entirely agree with this view. To start with, the arts promote creativity and harmony. Also, art, places are attraction points for the general public. So, there are enough wealthy patrons to subsidise arts. To illustrate, a plethora of established businessmen to donate for various museums and art galleries. Though they have personal benefits as they can showcase their products or services to people. Thus, officials should focus more on other serious concerns. Humans' basic needs should be prioritised over pieces of arts. There are people under the poverty line who cannot afford schooling for their children: who are the future of the nation. Therefore, the government should compensate for their study. Furthermore, government should sponsor funds to a part of the population who do not have money for medicines or to get well from their sickness. For instance, Himachal Pradesh (a state of India) government has recently issued "HIM CARE" cards to people, which can be used to avail an ample of free medical facilities. To conclude, paintings can be done in free time at home after work, and people should take art as personal interest. So, they should earn money from their own. The country's economy should not be invested in such leisure activities. It should be funded to overcome the health conditions, and to educate the Country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is a way of expressing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and imaginations. There is a notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not pay for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
(
for example
, painting and music),
instead
it's worth spending money on other major issues: healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and education system. I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
promote creativity and harmony.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, places are attraction points for the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
wealthy patrons to
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. To illustrate, a plethora of established businessmen to donate for various museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries. Though they have personal benefits as they can showcase their products or services to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, officials should focus more on other serious concerns.

Humans' basic needs should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
over pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under the poverty line who cannot afford
If 'afford' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to school".
schooling
for their children: who are the future of the nation.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should compensate for their study.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should sponsor funds to a part of the population who do not have money for medicines or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well from their sickness.
For instance
, Himachal Pradesh (a state of India)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has recently issued
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
HIM CARE
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
cards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to avail
The phrase 'an ample of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an ample of
free medical facilities.

To conclude
, paintings can
be done
in free time at home after work, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as personal interest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they should earn money from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. The country's economy should not
be invested
in such leisure activities. It should
be funded
to overcome the health conditions, and to educate
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


Country.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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