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Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country. This may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree? give reasons for your answer v.1

Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country. This may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. 1
The amount of children that a family can have is controlled in some countries through taxes. This situation could be that the older people increase in some nations but also this may help to control the population. However, I don’t agree with the government try to say how many children this institution should have, because I believe that the reality that the state want to establish could have horrible consequences for the society. The reason for I have disagreed with this is since I see is that the psychological illness could grow, due to if a couple have one child this would do that the pressure in that person be quite huge. Also their personality will be difficult, for the reason that their parents will try to give everything, so this individual is likely being selfish and individualistic. For example, in China the authority controlled for several years the family group, and this made that in this country would exist many depressions. So, that situation only gives a lot of diseases. On the other hand, I think that the government tries to control the population because some nations such as India or China is impossible make that the resources get to everyone. Then, the best way to drive the natural sources is through of a law for control the biths. For instance, in China this policy work, due to population could decrease. So, this way could be a good way of government in some countries. To conclude, exist the trend that the some governments say the amount of a couple can have. This policy has made that the illness increase in these countries, however it has helped to the economy. Nevertheless, in my opinion, I think that for the better psychology health is, every person is free to decide how many children they want to have.
The amount of children that a family can have
is controlled
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries through taxes. This situation could be that the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
increase in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to control the population.
However
, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
try to say how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children this institution should have,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that the reality that the state want to establish could have horrible consequences for the society.

The reason for I have disagreed with this is since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is that the psychological illness could grow, due to if a couple have one child this would do that the pressure in that person be quite huge.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
their personality will be difficult, for the reason that their parents will try to give everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this individual is likely being selfish and individualistic.
For example
, in China the authority controlled for several years the family group, and this made that in this country would exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
depressions.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diseases.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
tries to control the population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations such as India or China is impossible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that the resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to everyone. Then, the best way to drive the natural sources is through of a law for control the
Possible spelling mistake found.
biths
.
For instance
, in China this policy work, due to population could decrease.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this way could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.

To conclude
, exist the trend that the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
say the amount of a couple can have. This policy has made that the illness increase in these countries,
however
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to the economy.
Nevertheless
, in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that for the better psychology health is, every person is free to decide how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children they want to have.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country. This may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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