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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. v. 2
Some individuals maintain that not all offenders should sentencing their punishment in jail, instead they can be used as unpaid labour force that would benefit community. I absolutely agree with this point of view due to the fact that some felons who committed nonviolent crime are not dangerous for public and can be used for public needs. Moreover, less tax money would be spent on them if they will be convicted of non-custodial sentences. Firstly, it may be suggested that some classes of prisoners, such as thieves, fraudsters and young criminals who have been sentenced for nonviolent offences, are not a threat for the people surrounding them. These offenders are usually able to perform some community work that does not require special education or qualification without being paid in order to compensate damage to the society. Not only is it beneficial for community, but this approach is also less traumatic for criminals and gives them an opportunity to rehabilitate faster without being deprived of their families. Secondly, every incarcerated felon costs a significant amount of money to the budget due to the fact that it is the government who has to provide them with food, medical service and other basic needs for incarceration time. For instance, in the United States spend approximately 25000$ per inmate. I am convinced that by making prisoners do unpaid work for their communities without putting them behind bars, it is possible to preserve huge amount of money that can be used on community needs and rehabilitation process for the offender itself. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that some prisoners can benefit the society if they work for free for their communities instead of serving a sentence in jail. In addition to helping communities to spend less taxes on prisons maintaining, this strategy would help convicted offenders to return to normal life faster.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals maintain that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "sentence"
sentencing
their punishment in jail,
instead
they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as unpaid
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force that would benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
felons who committed nonviolent crime are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for public and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for public needs.
Moreover
, less tax money would
be spent
on them if they will
be convicted
of non-custodial sentences.

Firstly
, it may
be suggested
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes of prisoners, such as thieves, fraudsters and young criminals who have
been sentenced
for nonviolent
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, are not a threat for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
surrounding them. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are
usually
able to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work that does not require special education or qualification without
being paid
in order to compensate damage to the society. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is it beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this approach is
also
less traumatic for criminals and gives them an opportunity to rehabilitate faster without
being deprived
of their families.

Secondly
, every incarcerated felon costs a significant amount of money to the budget due to the fact that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide them with food, medical service and other basic needs for incarceration time.
For instance
, in the United States spend approximately
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$25000".
25000$
per inmate. I
am convinced
that by making prisoners do unpaid work for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
without putting them behind bars, it is possible to preserve huge amount of money that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
needs and rehabilitation process for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
itself.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prisoners can benefit the society if they work for free for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
instead
of serving a sentence in jail.
In addition
to helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
to spend less taxes on prisons maintaining, this strategy would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
convicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
to return to normal life faster.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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