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MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games? v.1

MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games? v. 1
As time elapses, playing computer games is reckoned to be more and more preferably among the youngsters. Below, this essay will suggest that the possible risk of physical and mental problems is the biggest disadvantage and an enhance of logic and imagination is the main advantage. The most major psychological problem associated with this phenomenon is addiction. To be more explicit, children become obsessed with the games and are unable to socialize with their peers or family. Furthermore, playing computer games encourages the possible risk of poor vision, meaning that the strain on eyesight resulting from excessive use of screens and consoles, which means that children may suffer symptoms of poor vision For example, a recent research showed that the 78% of computer buff suffer from symptoms of poor vision. Despite these disadvantages, playing computer games can develop cognitive and logical skills of children. To be more lucid, there is quite a bit of games which requires to follow various, solve complex problems, use imagination and logic in order to win. For instance, scientist have confirmed that games such as Minecraft develop the logic and imagination of children considerably, since they have the opportunity to build houses, to extract minerals, get food. In conclusion, the risks posed by excessive gaming are connected to the possibility of dependency on the activity and health. With regards to positive effects, it can develop the logic and imagination of children.
As time elapses, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is reckoned
to be more and more
preferably
among the youngsters. Below, this essay will suggest that the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of physical and mental problems is the biggest disadvantage and
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enhance' is correct. If 'enhance' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an enhance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
logic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
is the main advantage.

The most major psychological problem associated with this phenomenon is addiction. To be more explicit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become obsessed with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and are unable to socialize with their peers or family.
Furthermore
, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourages the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of poor vision, meaning that the strain on eyesight resulting from excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of screens and consoles, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may suffer symptoms of poor vision
For example
, a recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the 78% of computer buff suffer from symptoms of poor vision.

Despite these disadvantages, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can develop cognitive and logical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To be more lucid, there is quite a bit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which requires
Did you mean "following"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to follow
various, solve complex problems,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
logic
in order to win.
For instance
, scientist have confirmed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Minecraft develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
logic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
considerably
, since they have the opportunity to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, to extract minerals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
posed by excessive gaming
are connected
to the possibility of dependency on the activity and health.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, it can develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
logic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imagination
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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