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some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it give a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it give a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 1
Being wealthy is considered a necessity for most individuals. However, it is often argued that, the main reason why people seek to be financially buoyant, is because it affords them the chance to impact the lifes of others. I completely agree with this point of view, because of two main reasons which will be discussed in this essay. To begin with, assisting individuals in need, with money helps the wealthy person achieve a sense of fulfillment. Many thanks to be happy and to derive pleasure in whatever they engage themselves in; such is the case of so many philanthropist. The help the needy, not just for personal gain, but because they feel fulfilled by lifting burdens off people neck and putting smiles on their faces. This is not just seeking recognition or approval, rather it is perceived a way of life to them. For instance, the national newspaper documented a successful business icon, who on a monthly basis donate relief material to victims of war, at the internally displaced camps; he said he feels happy doing such. Therefore, helping the needy is a way to derive pleasure and fulfillment for the rich. Furthermore, when assisting the poor financially, it makes the world a better place to live. Poverty has been a driving force, and the culprit implicated as the cause of several social vices such as theft, prostitution and hooliganism. Therefore, When these poor people are rendered financial aid, it helps to limit their level of indulgence in this anti-social behaviours. This promote peace and love in the environment, therefore, the world becomes a better and safe place to habituate. due to the high level of assistance in form of grants in developed countries such as the UK, uses help to improve the literacy level, as opposed to the high percent of illitetate that is rampant in developing and underdeveloped Nations. In conclusion, when a person is opportuned to be in possession of riches and sufficient money, helping others especially the poor and needy should be considered a priority. this does not only brings social recognization and respect in the community, it also helps you feel for freed and makes the world feel better abode for everyone
Being wealthy
is considered
a necessity for most individuals.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that, the main reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seek to be
financially
buoyant, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affords them the chance to impact the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
of others. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons which will
be discussed
in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, assisting individuals in need, with money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the wealthy person achieve a sense of fulfillment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
thanks to be happy and to derive pleasure in whatever they engage themselves in; such is the case of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun philanthropist seems to be countable; consider using: "many philanthropists".
many philanthropist
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the needy, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for personal gain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
fulfilled by lifting burdens off
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
neck and putting smiles on their faces. This is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
seeking recognition or approval,
rather
it
is perceived
a way of life to them.
For instance
, the national newspaper documented a successful business icon, who on a monthly basis donate relief material to victims of war, at the
internally
displaced camps; he said he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
happy doing such.
Therefore
, helping the needy is a way to derive pleasure and fulfillment for the rich.

Furthermore
, when assisting the poor
financially
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Poverty has been a driving force, and the culprit implicated as the cause of several social vices such as theft, prostitution and hooliganism.
Therefore
, When these poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are rendered
financial aid, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to limit their level of indulgence in this anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
The verb 'promote' is plural. Did you mean: "This promotes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This promote
peace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
in the environment,
therefore
, the world becomes a better and safe place to habituate.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to the high level of assistance in form of grants in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as the UK,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the literacy level, as opposed to the high percent of
Possible spelling mistake found.
illitetate
that is
rampant in developing and underdeveloped Nations.

In conclusion
, when a person is
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportuned
to be in possession of riches and sufficient money, helping others
especially
the poor and needy should
be considered
a priority.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "bring"?
brings
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
recognization
and respect in the community, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
for freed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
better abode for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
everyone
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it give a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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