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Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both view and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. 2
It is often believed by some that the key measure of intelligence is the success. However, there are people who are of the opinion that there are other ways of measuring it. In my opinion, I believe that success is not a true indicator of brilliance, and ability to adapt and to learn from mistakes actually makes an individual smart. First and foremost, not all the successful persons are brilliant. Success is often driven by hard work and the right opportunity. There are instances when a diligent person is unable to showcase his talent or skills due to dearth of opportunities, whereas a less intelligent person may succeed by grabbing an opportunity merely by his luck or following immoral means like bribing and cheating. Moreover, a change in the perspective of youth, emphasizing more on happiness and family time rather than working hard to achieve high position in a company, does not make them less intelligent. So, success is definitely not the best criteria to measure a person’s level of intelligence. There are other factors such as an ability to cope with a challenge and adapting yourself to the situation that really helps an individual to succeed. It is often seen that resilient persons, whether they are intelligent or not, are more successful than others. They fail a number of times and bounce back with double efforts and eventually, they succeed. Learning from past mistakes also contributes towards this success because a person can only succeed in multiple attempts if he resorts to improving his abilities by working on his mistakes and shortfalls. For instance, a recent survey of 40 successful entrepreneurs in the U. K. revealed that resilience was a key to their success as they had failed many times before achieving the success. In conclusion, success is an indicator of hard-work and resilience, and not the intelligence. In fact, being intelligent does not make a person successful. There are other factors like hard-work and dedication that contributes towards the way of success.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the key measure of intelligence is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are of the opinion that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways of measuring it. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not a true indicator of brilliance, and ability to adapt and to learn from mistakes actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual smart.

First
and foremost, not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are brilliant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
driven by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and the right opportunity. There are instances when a diligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is unable to showcase his talent or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
due to dearth of opportunities, whereas a less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
by grabbing an opportunity
merely
by his luck or following immoral means like bribing and cheating.
Moreover
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the perspective of youth, emphasizing more on happiness and family time
rather
than working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve high position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is definitely not the best criteria to measure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
level of intelligence.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as an ability to cope with a challenge and adapting yourself to the situation that
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that resilient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
, whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
or not, are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
than others. They fail a number of times and bounce back with double efforts and
eventually
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
. Learning from past mistakes
also
contributes towards this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
succeed
in multiple attempts if he resorts to improving his abilities by working on his mistakes and shortfalls.
For instance
, a recent survey of 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
entrepreneurs in the U. K. revealed that resilience was a key to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
as they had failed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
achieving the success.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is an indicator of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work and resilience, and not the intelligence. In fact, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligent
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work and dedication that contributes towards the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both view and give your own opinion v.2