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Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both view and give your own opinion v.4

Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. 4
Many people argue that entering a job supplies people with not only enough money for them to meet their basic needs but also social life. While this idea is to some degree, I sitll believe that occupied individuals should socialize with people outside their wok On the one hand, it is understandable why many people believe that staying in a profession can help people not only to earn sufficient money to support their lives but also develop social life in their workplaces. Firstly, having a job enables people to have greater disposable income, helping them to pay for housing, bills, health care and education and have a reasonable quality of life. As a matter of fact, a large number of young people switch jobs regularly in order to have adequate salaries which allow their families to enjoy a more decent standard of living. Secondly, in the age of globalisation where different cultures cross, most individuals have to interact with people from other ethnic groups and different tradition. This gives people countless opportuinities to develop social life with inspirational managers and enthusiastic colleagues, which gradually provides workers with a more satisfying working life. On the other hand, I still side with those who believe that it is better to build up social life with people they do not work with. The trend towards developing social life with colleagues may lead to a decline in the work productivity. If most occupied individuals became addicted to socializing in their workplace, it would result in undesirable outcomes, espcially the reduction of time for work, which should be workers’ top priority. Additionally, people can have various chance to acquire numbers of new valuable experiences and skills if they socialize with people who are not their familiar colleagues. As a result, those individuals can possess a golden selling point to enter the rising competitive job market, which enables them to move up the career ladder and earn a more lucrative living. In conclusion, although many people think that a job provides people with not only income but also social life, I still believe that it is better to develop social life with people outside work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that entering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
supplies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
sitll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that occupied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should socialize with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outside their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
wok


On the one hand, it is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that staying in a profession can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to earn sufficient money to support their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in their workplaces.
Firstly
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have greater disposable income, helping them to pay for housing, bills, health care and education and have a reasonable quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As a matter of fact,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
regularly
in order to have adequate salaries which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their families to enjoy a more decent standard of living.
Secondly
, in the age of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures cross, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other ethnic groups and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tradition.
Did you mean "these"?
This
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
countless
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportuinities
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with inspirational managers and enthusiastic colleagues, which
gradually
provides workers with a more satisfying working life.

On the other hand
, I
still
side with those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is better to build up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with. The trend towards developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with colleagues may lead to a decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity. If most occupied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
became addicted to socializing in their workplace, it would result in undesirable outcomes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
espcially
the reduction of time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which should be workers’ top priority.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have various chance to acquire numbers of new valuable experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
if they socialize with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not their familiar colleagues.
As a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can possess a golden selling point to enter the rising competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market, which enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up the career ladder and earn a more lucrative living.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is better to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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