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In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes that occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v.1

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes that occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 1
Lately, owing to fundamental economic problems which people have to deal with, we are observing the fact that individuals who are responsible to provide their families tend to work dependently in comparison with working as an employee for corporations. Even though there are countless merits in be self-employed, this essay seeks to discuss the dark side of self-employment as well as its demerits. First of all, to better understand why self-employment have been chosen more than past decades by people, two principal factors that play key roles on job satisfaction should be noted. Well-payment can be considered as one of the most important items for which labours look. Workers would can afford life expenses if they have been earned sufficient salaries by their employers. Furthermore, time managing is of great importance in order to feel fulfilled. Unfortunately, not only do work as an employee has remarkable financial profits, but it also time consuming that employees would not have adequate chances to do different activities such keep in touch their families, meet up their friends as well as develop their skills and follow their personal dreams. On the other hand, although self- employed careers joyous a wide variety of benefits, their drawbacks should be taken into consideration. Regardless of the fact that such occupations need a great deal of funds for investment, entrepreneurs should have appropriate ideas which able to compete other rivals. In no circumstances are there no places for half-baked ideas in today’s competitive marketplace. Moreover, the ones who want to establish their own companies need to upgrade their knowledge and raise their awareness on the scope of selected majors. For instance, traditional methods have been replaced by technical manners. As a consequence, having professional qualifications and certificates would be considered as a vital feature as well as a significant factor. In conclusion, while both self-employment and working for others have quite a few of the merits and the demerits, both of them are essential to society. The governments are expected to provide suitable infrastructures by citizens. People hope, will have been satisfied with the superlative job opportunities in the near future.
Lately, owing to fundamental economic problems which
people
have to
deal with, we are observing the fact that individuals who are responsible to provide their families tend to work
dependently
in comparison
with working as an employee for corporations.
Even though
there are countless merits in be self-employed, this essay seeks to discuss the dark side of self-employment
as well
as its demerits.

First of all
, to better understand why self-employment have
been chosen
more than past decades by
people
, two principal factors that play key roles on job satisfaction should
be noted
. Well-payment can
be considered
as one of the most
important
items for which
labours
look. Workers
would can
afford life expenses if they have
been earned
sufficient salaries by their employers.
Furthermore
, time managing is of great importance in order to feel fulfilled. Unfortunately, not
only
do work as an employee has remarkable financial profits,
but
it
also
time consuming
that employees would not have adequate chances to do
different
activities such
keep
in touch their families,
meet
up their friends
as well
as develop their
skills
and follow their personal dreams.

On the other hand
, although self- employed careers joyous a wide variety of benefits, their drawbacks should
be taken
into consideration. Regardless of the fact that such occupations need a great deal of funds for investment, entrepreneurs should have appropriate
ideas
which able to compete other rivals. In no circumstances are there no places for half-baked
ideas
in
today
’s competitive marketplace.
Moreover
, the ones who want to establish their
own
companies
need to upgrade their knowledge and raise their awareness on the scope of selected majors.
For instance
, traditional methods have
been replaced
by technical manners. As a consequence, having professional qualifications and certificates would
be considered
as a vital feature
as well
as a significant factor.

In conclusion
, while both self-employment and working for others have quite a few of the merits and the demerits, both of them are essential to society. The
governments
are
expected
to provide suitable infrastructures by citizens.
People
hope, will have
been satisfied
with the superlative job opportunities in the near future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes that occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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