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Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. v. 2
In this contemporary setting, happy life is given paramount importance. Some are of the opinion that it is pivotal for people to narrow the gap between well-off and impoverished people to reach a happier society, others differ with this view. Considering this situation, it is crucial to explore this from two perspectives. To begin with, there are several ways to produce a more enjoyable life, as the government plays a vital role in this inexorable changing society. To be precise, by providing free education to many poor people, this can help them equip with professional knowledge and skills, which helps them to seek job opportunities and encourages them to survive and thrive. Thus, people having a good employment can receive a stable income. Therefore, the government makes a significant contribution to boosting people’s self-satisfaction and self-fulfilment. Moreover, people receiving free health care will enjoy an effective and affordable treatment, thereby enhancing public health. As a result, building a harmonious society and people can live in a healthy life. On the other hand, there are several reasons why reducing the difference between rich and poor member is the best way. To be specific, reducing the disparity among different social class may help people feel less discrimination among them. For example, if governor receives the same salary as a waiter who works in an ordinary restaurant, or millionaires share part of their wealth with jobless workers, these impoverished people will experience a more accepted and welcomed society. Consequently, enhancing social cohesion and people can enjoy this pleasant atmosphere. Besides, bridging this gap between rich and poor is a correct way to make fewer disputes and crimes among society. This is mainly because many crimes which target wealthy people will be reduced. As a result, this is. A practical, efficient and pragmatic approach to increase their happiness in life. To sum up, it is apparent that rendering free education and sound healthcare by the government can increase the happiness of society. But, by no means, should we turn a blind eye on reducing the difference between the wealthy and the poor. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that free education and health care are the most effective way to increase social happiness.
In this contemporary setting, happy life is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
paramount importance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinion that it is pivotal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to narrow the gap between well-off and impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, others differ with this view. Considering this situation, it is crucial to explore this from two perspectives.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several ways to produce a more enjoyable life, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
plays a vital role in this inexorable changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. To be precise, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
education to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them equip with professional knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to seek job opportunities and encourages them to survive and thrive.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employment can receive a stable income.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a significant contribution to boosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
self-satisfaction and
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-fulfilment
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
health care will enjoy an effective and affordable treatment, thereby enhancing public health.
As a result
, building a harmonious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a healthy life.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why reducing the difference between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
member is the best way. To be specific, reducing the disparity among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel less discrimination among them.
For example
, if governor receives the same salary as a waiter who works in an ordinary restaurant, or millionaires share part of their wealth with jobless workers, these impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will experience a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
and welcomed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Consequently
, enhancing social cohesion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy this pleasant atmosphere.
Besides
, bridging this gap between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is a correct way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fewer disputes and crimes among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crimes which target wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
As a result
, this is. A practical, efficient and pragmatic approach to increase their happiness in life.

To sum up, it is apparent that rendering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
education and sound healthcare by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can increase the happiness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, by no means, should we turn a blind eye on reducing the difference between the wealthy and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Nevertheless
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
education and health care are the most effective way to increase social happiness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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