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More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6
Advancements in technology have produced comfort in our lives. In order to make their children technology oriented and skilled more and more parents are allowing children to play on modern gadgets such as computers and tablets. The advantages of such attitude are equal to its disadvantages. The enhancement in technology has a huge impact on our daily life as it has become a necessary part. To cope up with modern society learning about the new technological innovation is mandatory. This is the reason parents allow their children to use updated gadgets. As an illustration, mobile phones are now equipped with various apps like Google maps. To find a way, people no more use those traditional maps. As a result orientation about modern innovations is crucial to do even daily tasks. Therefore, it is crucial for parents to allow their children to use computers or other devices to adjust in this contemporary era. Although the knowledge and skills regarding technologically advanced devices are necessary, their demerits are also undeniable. In order to learn technology skills, children are deterred to focus on their main goals. To illustrate, my niece allocated most of her time to learn about computers after permission of my sister. Because she had to spend plenty of time on learning about computers, she could not focus on her studies and eventually she lost interest in her studies leading to poor academic progress. Hence, the demerits of orienting children to technologically advanced devices are paid off in terms of a negative impact on studies and it should be considered as a high alert. To conclude, children are now permitted to play on computers and tablets as parents think that children should learn about technology and become skilled in such sector. The benefits of this development are equivocal to its demerits.
Advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have produced comfort in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
oriented and skilled more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play on modern gadgets such as computers and tablets. The advantages of such attitude are equal to its disadvantages.

The enhancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a huge impact on our daily life as it has become a necessary part. To cope up with modern society learning about the new technological innovation is mandatory. This is the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
updated gadgets. As an illustration, mobile phones are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
equipped with various apps like
Did you mean "Google Maps"?
Google maps
. To find a way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
no more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those traditional maps.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result orientation about modern innovations is crucial to do even daily tasks.
Therefore
, it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers or other devices to adjust in this contemporary era.

Although the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
regarding
technologically
advanced devices are necessary, their demerits are
also
undeniable. In order to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are deterred
to focus on their main goals. To illustrate, my niece allocated most of her time to learn about computers after permission of my sister.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
she had to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time on learning about computers, she could not focus on her studies and
eventually
she lost interest in her studies leading to poor academic progress.
Hence
, the demerits of orienting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
technologically
advanced devices
are paid
off in terms of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on studies and it should
be considered
as a high alert.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
permitted to play on computers and tablets as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and become skilled in such sector. The benefits of this development are equivocal to its demerits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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