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Far too little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why do people do so little about it? Give your suggestion on how to solve this problem. v.1

Far too little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why do people do so little about it? Give your suggestion on how to solve this problem. v. 1
Over recent decades, going abroad for education has become a significant issue of people's life both students and societies. Some say that the experience of moving overseas is completely worth because of bringing benefits, however others say that there are more negative aspects than positive ones. In this essay, I will examine both sides of this trend and provide my overall opinion. From an overall perspective, there are several advantages to moving abroad to study. The main advantage of this is that living in a new country provides key opportunities for students' future career pathway. A good illustration of this that, students are able to create a new wider social and business network from different countries and various professional fields and numerous disciplines. As a result, they might learn to on their own feet, to survive, to find a job in a new habitat. This would in all likelihood lead to feeling that the government will not have to subsidise healthcare, employment or financially for those. The importance of sponsor people who cannot afford it cannot be denied. Despite these arguments, there are also many disadvantages. One of the most obvious of these is that students may have to deal with racism where they live. If a student comes from different places where various languages are spoken or different religions are believed, they struggle with these sort of conditions besides they are lonely for their hometowns and families. They have lived far away from homeland and they don't have a chance to see them whenever they want. Furthermore, brain drain makes the country affect poorly as financial and cultural. International students may forget their history, background and traditions. This because they are assimilated and metamorphose. For this reason, the problem caused by culture shock should not be underestimated. In conclusion, this is a topic which raises some significant questions in contemporary life. Weighing up all of the facts, it would seem that salient benefits outweigh the downsides. Studying abroad is an issue which is sure to continue demanding our attention for the foreseeable future.
Over recent decades, going abroad for education has become a significant issue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say that the experience of moving overseas is completely worth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of bringing benefits,
however
others say that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones. In this essay, I will examine both sides of this trend and provide my
overall
opinion.

From an
overall
perspective, there are several advantages to moving abroad to study. The main advantage of this is that living in a new country provides key opportunities for students' future career pathway. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to create a new wider social and business network from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and various professional fields and numerous disciplines.
As a result
, they might learn to on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet, to survive, to find a job in a new habitat. This would in all likelihood lead to feeling that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
healthcare, employment or
financially
for those. The importance of sponsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot afford it cannot
be denied
.

Despite these arguments, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages. One of the most obvious of these is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with racism where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places where various languages
are spoken
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religions
are believed
, they struggle with
Did you mean "this sort" or "these sorts"?
these sort
of conditions
besides
they are lonely for their hometowns and families. They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
far away from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
homeland and
they don't have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them whenever they want.
Furthermore
, brain drain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the country affect
poorly
as financial and cultural. International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may forget their history, background and traditions. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are assimilated
and metamorphose.
For this reason
, the problem caused by culture shock should not
be underestimated
.

In conclusion
, this is a topic which raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant questions in contemporary life. Weighing up
Consider using "all the".
all of the
facts, it would seem that salient benefits outweigh the downsides. Studying abroad is an issue which is sure to continue demanding our attention for the foreseeable future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Far too little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why do people do so little about it? Give your suggestion on how to solve this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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