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some people tend to take temporary jobs, for they have time to do other things. Do the advantage outweighs disadvantage v.1

some people tend to take temporary jobs, for they have time to do other things. Do the advantage outweighs disadvantage v. 1
These days, many people have a tendency to choose momentary occupations that make them have more spare times to do other works. Despite some obvious drawbacks of this trend, I would argue that these are outweighed by the advantages. On the one hand, there are major downsides when individuals take short-lived professions. Primarily, a temporary employee will not have a stable income and may be fired at any time by employers. It might be also said that they will not get annual salary increments, perks or financial rewards such as bonuses or incentives that permanent staff get. For example, if pregnant women take a long-term job, they can be entailed to receive paid maternity leave for around 20 weeks. In addition, they will be less chance to achieve career progression and job prospects that are a basic incentive to motivate employees work efficiently. As a result, workers can find no allure of putting a lot of energy and enthusiasm to have their task done and this likely to have adverse effects on both themselves and the company where they work. On the other hand, I side with those who believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. Firstly, momentary jobs bring people more flexible times in a term of work schedule. That means they can make more time for their loved ones as well as social values such as charity works. For instance, apart from being an English teaching assistant, I am also a volunteer in a Hanoi tour guide organization in which I can help foreign tourists broaden their knowledge about Vietnamese cultures and customs. Moreover, by doing temporary jobs, workers can also get exposure to different kinds of workplace and personalities. This can help them gain their working experiences and adaptive abilities to a new environment. In conclusion, I would argue that although there are disadvantages of part-time jobs, I believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a tendency to choose momentary occupations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to do other works. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious drawbacks of this trend, I would argue that these
are outweighed
by the advantages.

On the one hand, there are major downsides when individuals take short-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
professions.
Primarily
, a temporary employee will not have a stable income and may
be fired
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by employers. It might be
also
said that they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
annual salary increments, perks or financial rewards such as bonuses or incentives that permanent staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
For example
, if pregnant women take a long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they can
be entailed
to receive paid maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for around 20 weeks.
In addition
, they will be less chance to achieve career progression and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects that are a basic incentive to motivate employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
.
As a result
, workers can find no allure of putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy and enthusiasm to have their task done and this likely to have adverse effects on both themselves and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
where they work.

On the other hand
, I side with those who believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages.
Firstly
, momentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in a term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule. That means they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones
as well
as social values such as charity works.
For instance
, apart from being an English teaching assistant, I am
also
a volunteer in a Hanoi tour guide organization in which I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
foreign tourists broaden their knowledge about Vietnamese cultures and customs.
Moreover
, by doing temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, workers can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of workplace and personalities. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain their working experiences and adaptive abilities to a new environment.

In conclusion
, I would argue that although there are disadvantages of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, I believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay some people tend to take temporary jobs, for they have time to do other things. Do the advantage outweighs disadvantage v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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