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People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v.19

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v. 19
In many countries, people’s sleep duration has reduced significantly as compared to the past. Advancement in technology and stress are chiefly responsible for the lack of sleeping. This can have detrimental effects on both an individual, such as damage to the health and depression, as well as society, such as less community gatherings and decline in economic growth. Increase in stress related to professional or personal life and excessive use of technical devices is negatively impacting the sleep cycles of people. Firstly, distresses imposed by office workload have become common these days, due to which people over-think and cannot sleep properly at night. Secondly, obsession of mobile phones and laptops to use social media or watch online series lure people to be awake till midnight or early morning. There are numerous negative impacts of poor sleep cycle on individuals. First and foremost, severe health issues such as obesity, cardiac arrests are inevitable due to lack of sleep. Consequently, people who sleep less than usual hours are more prone to get depressed and secluded. For Instance, when a person sleeps less, he is less attentive during day time and do not enjoy his work or company of others, which leads to seclusion and ultimately, depression. Also, society will grapple to fight the consequences of sleep deprived, unhappy individuals. Primarily, people will be less interested in community gatherings due to poor health conditions. Furthermore, economic growth will slow down owing to unhappy people at the workplace, which will lead to less productivity in organizations. In conclusion, sleeplessness can become epidemic owing to extreme work pressure and excessive use of devices. Moreover, individuals will get more prone to diseases, and also the societies will face more monetary issue and fewer celebrations.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
duration has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
as compared to the past. Advancement in technology and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
are
chiefly
responsible for the lack of sleeping. This can have detrimental effects on both an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, such as damage to the health and depression,
as well
as society, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
community gatherings and decline in economic growth.

Increase in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related to professional or personal life and excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technical devices is
negatively
impacting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
cycles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, distresses imposed by office workload have become common these days, due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
properly
at night.
Secondly
, obsession of mobile phones and laptops to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
online series lure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be awake till midnight or early morning.

There are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
cycle on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
First
and foremost, severe health issues such as obesity, cardiac arrests are inevitable due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than usual hours are more prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed and secluded.
For Instance
, when a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
, he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
attentive during day time and do not enjoy his work or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of others, which leads to seclusion and
ultimately
, depression.

Also
, society will grapple to fight the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprived, unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
interested in community gatherings due to poor health conditions.
Furthermore
, economic growth will slow down owing to unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the workplace, which will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
productivity in organizations.

In conclusion
, sleeplessness can become epidemic owing to extreme work pressure and excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of devices.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more prone to diseases, and
also
the societies will face more monetary issue and fewer celebrations.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society? v. 19

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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