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Some people support the rule 18 years as minimum age to start riding car; however other feel that this age limit should be increased to 25. This essay will discuss both the views and give a reasonable conclusion. v.1

Some people support the rule 18 years as minimum age to start riding car; however other feel that this age limit should be increased to 25. This essay will v. 1
In recent years, many schools and parents enforce their kids to do leisure activities with an educational base. Thus, Children get mind-free and boost up their educational values. However, some people disagree with this point. In this essay, I will outline the positive aspects with suitable examples. To begin with, education alone cannot fulfil Childrens' knowledge up-to the level. We should allow children into doing extra-curricular activities such as reading books, singing songs, playing sports, etc. Consequently, they feel some relaxation and focus more on their studies. For instance, Indian government implements smart class training to their elementary schools for improving Basic English communication skills and computer knowledge of their kids. Secondly, by doing leisure activities, children can improve their mental growth as well as physical growth. Therefore, they can know their values and can learn to handle the pressure in this competitive world. Moreover, they will voluntarily push themselves into more activities to show their skill set to others. For instance, William Kamkwamba, a 14 year old Malawian kid, raised from poor financial background, gave up his school education due to poverty, however interest in science, built a windmill turbine with low cost materials. Thus, he gained fame and received sponsorship for his education. Now he becomes one of the topmost scientists in his country. To conclude, by continuously studying in school books, children will get bored easily and may get out of focus in their studies. To overcome, we should recognise their skills and let them to do valuable activities in their free time. Although, we should eye on the activities must have some academic values and uplift their careers.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and parents enforce their kids to do leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with an educational base.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mind-free and boost up their educational values.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with this point. In this essay, I will outline the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects with suitable examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, education alone cannot fulfil
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childrens
' knowledge up-to the level. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into doing extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as reading books, singing songs, playing sports, etc.
Consequently
, they feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxation and focus more on their studies.
For instance
, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
implements smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
training to their elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for improving Basic English communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and computer knowledge of their kids.

Secondly
, by doing leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental growth
as well
as physical growth.
Therefore
, they can know their values and can learn to handle the pressure in this competitive world.
Moreover
, they will
voluntarily
push themselves into more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set to others.
For instance
, William
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kamkwamba
, a 14 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Malawian kid, raised from poor financial background, gave up his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education due to poverty,
however
interest in science, built a windmill turbine with low cost materials.
Thus
, he gained fame and received sponsorship for his education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he becomes one of the topmost scientists in his country.

To conclude
, by
continuously
studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
books,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored
easily
and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
their studies. To overcome, we should
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to do valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free time. Although, we should eye on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
academic values and uplift their careers.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people support the rule 18 years as minimum age to start riding car; however other feel that this age limit should be increased to 25. This essay will v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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