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8. What is the most memorable meal you have had? Describe the experience of eating this meal. Use details v.1

8. What is the most memorable meal you have had? Describe the experience of eating this meal. Use details v. 1
Some children are not allowed by their parents to watch TV during educational days while some others are given the complete freedom to engage in enjoying the visual by television when they have completed their assignments. I strongly agree with the latter view. On the one hand, some parents opt to prohibit their children from viewing on school days for a few underlying reasons. Firstly, they may end up not being able to control the amount of time they spend watching. In that case, it is likely for them to find it hard to focus on finishing their learning tasks, which can consequently lead to a poor academic performance. Secondly, because prolonged exposure to the screen can cause one’s eye vision to deteriorate, some children are restricted to watching only on the weekends to prevent such a health risk. Thirdly, because some parents feel the need to encourage them to get involved in other activities such as exercising, they try to stop the children staring at the tool. This can help prevent them from having an otherwise sedentary lifestyle. Finally, they do not even know why they are doing it. On the other hand, it can offer a few benefits to children. To begin with, it is a great source of entertainment. Additionally, the device can help them relieve their stress and relax. Therefore, as children immerse themselves in it, it can accordingly reduce their physical and mental exhaustion after a tiring school day. Furthermore, they can benefit from a wide range of education programs available to the media, and thus get the chance to broaden their non-academic knowledge. Lastly, they will be delighted to get that. To sum up, I am firmly convinced that the benefits of children doing the activity on school days outweigh the potential drawbacks. The risks can be greatly minimized if parents can advise their children to perform it on weekdays in moderation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV during educational days while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the complete freedom to engage in enjoying the visual by television when they have completed their assignments. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
opt to prohibit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from viewing on school days for a few underlying reasons.
Firstly
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up not being able to control the amount of time they spend watching.
In that case
, it is likely for them to find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to focus on finishing their learning tasks, which can
consequently
lead to a poor academic performance.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
prolonged exposure to the screen can cause one’s eye vision to deteriorate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are restricted
to watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the weekends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such a health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel the need to encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in other activities such as exercising, they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
staring at the tool. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from having an
otherwise
sedentary lifestyle.
Finally
, they do not even know why they are doing it.

On the other hand
, it can offer a few benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a great source of entertainment.
Additionally
, the device can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and relax.
Therefore
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
immerse themselves in it, it can
accordingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their physical and mental exhaustion after a tiring school day.
Furthermore
, they can benefit from a wide range of education programs available to the media, and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to broaden their non-academic knowledge.
Lastly
, they will
be delighted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that.

To sum up, I am
firmly
convinced that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doing the activity on school days outweigh the potential drawbacks. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
can be
greatly
minimized if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can advise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to perform it on weekdays in moderation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 8. What is the most memorable meal you have had? Describe the experience of eating this meal. Use details v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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