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Many headmasters are considering a new school rule: ‘Mobile phones are not allowed at school’. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this rule? Write an essay of about 250 words to support your answer. v.1

Many headmasters are considering a new school rule: ‘Mobile phones are not allowed at school’. with this rule? Write an essay of about 250 words to support your answer. v. 1
People hold different views about mobile phones should be prohibited at school or these electronic devices could have the benefits of the education. From my standpoint, it is more favourable to allow using cell phones in lessons. First of all, it is undeniable that mobile devices are helpful in some ways. The major beneficial side of cell phones is the steep internet connection. To exemplify, mobile phone just like a wonder box, which contains every type of information that could be useful at school lessons. In the other words, using cellular sensors gives us the huge abilities of improving skills. Second of all, in today's modernized era the mobile devices play a pivotal role in innovation schools. Moreover, the electronic devices, such as computers and mobile phones are crucial for new high tech education system. For instance, Canada's specialists tested a new way of educating students through the internet. The cellphone have been the part of this experiment, which gave them colossal results. To conclude, the mobile devices have a favourable part as well as drawbacks. Nevertheless, in the modern world electronic devices are considered to be a major source of information.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be prohibited
at school or these electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
could have the benefits of the education. From my standpoint, it is more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
using cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in lessons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are helpful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways. The major beneficial side of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is the steep internet connection. To exemplify, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a wonder box, which contains every type of information that could be useful at school lessons. In the other words, using cellular sensors gives us the huge abilities of improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Second of all, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modernized era the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
play a pivotal role in innovation schools.
Moreover
, the electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, such as computers and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are crucial for new high tech education system.
For instance
, Canada's specialists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
a new way of educating students through the internet. The cellphone have been the part of this experiment, which gave them colossal results.

To conclude
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
part
as well
as drawbacks.
Nevertheless
, in the modern world electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are considered
to be a major source of information.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many headmasters are considering a new school rule: ‘Mobile phones are not allowed at school’. with this rule? Write an essay of about 250 words to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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