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Some people suggest that it is better for children to be brought up by the whole family including uncle aunts and grandparents rather than just the parents Do you agree or disagree with this statement Give your opinion and examples v.2

Some people suggest that it is better for children to be brought up by the whole family including uncle aunts and grandparents rather than just the parents Give your opinion and examples v. 2
A segment of society believes that joint family is able to provide the better environment for the growth of the child, when compared to small family. I also believe that people who grow under the guidance of many family members are able to imbibe many useful skills which play significant role in their further development. To begin with, growing in joint family enable the child to learn patience, sharing and cooperation in much better way. When a child lives in the surrounding where uncle, aunts and cousin are available. They learn to share toys, study together and wait for their turn while playing many games. Apart from this, they are able develop better communication and interpersonal skills which is required in the all stages of life. Along with academic qualification, vital social skills also play a major role to succeed in life. To exemplify, many multinational companies prefer to recruit the employee who have the knowledge of the field and able to communicate well. Digging deeper, grandparents have huge surplus time, so they are able to devote more time with young ones and they never feels neglected even when both father and mother are working. In addition to this elderly people have more experience of the life, as they have seen different phases, so they are able to guide the child in better way. They also teach moral skill and inculcate spiritual knowledge among juveniles, which turn them into better human being and they grow up into more intellectual and responsible person. This individuals become asset to the family and whole nation. In conclusion, unequivocally child are brought up in nuclear family these days, but it is irrefutable from the above points that person gets the surrounding and love of the joint family learn many things which is impossible to gain from the parents alone.
A segment of society believes that joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
environment for the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, when compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I
also
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who grow under the guidance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to imbibe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which play significant role in their
further
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, growing in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to learn patience, sharing and cooperation in much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the surrounding where uncle, aunts and cousin are available. They learn to share toys, study together and wait for their turn while playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
games. Apart from this, they are
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'develop'.
able develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
communication and interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which
is required
in the all stages of life. Along with academic qualification, vital social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
also
play a major role to succeed in life. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to recruit the employee who have the knowledge of the field and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to communicate well.

Digging deeper, grandparents have huge surplus time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to devote more time with young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ones and
they never feels neglected even when both father and mother are working.
In addition
to this elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more experience of the life, as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way. They
also
teach moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and inculcate spiritual knowledge among juveniles, which turn them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
human
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
being and
they grow up into more intellectual and responsible person.
Did you mean "these"?
This
individuals become asset to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and whole nation.

In conclusion
,
unequivocally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
are brought
up in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is irrefutable from the above points that person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the surrounding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of the joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which is impossible to gain from the parents alone.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people suggest that it is better for children to be brought up by the whole family including uncle aunts and grandparents rather than just the parents Give your opinion and examples v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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