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Scientific research should be the responsibility of governments rather than commercial organizations Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.2

Scientific research should be the responsibility of governments rather than commercial organizations v. 2
It is generally considered the research and development of scientific field is the area in which states should play the major role and private companies has not part in this stream. I completely agree with notion that authorities has to take the accountability of the scientific investigation and advancements and no freedom should be given to commercial firm to spread their wings in this domain. To begin with, it requires huge amount of time to study deeply about any particular field, private companies mainly aim to earn profit, so the task which takes more time usually avoided by them. Most of the researches are mainly trying to find something for the betterment of the society and cause social development, which undoubtedly needs government intervention. To exemplify, public university in India take the help of PHG students to work on internship along with studies as research associates, whereas it is cumbersome for any commercial organization to recruit the employee at that salary. Moreover, university students spend almost five years to the get the knowledge of the subject in-depth so that can perform much better for making further advancement in the particular field. Digging deeper, many resources are essential for conducting any research successfully like monetary support, space and equipment. Although after getting all the elements it is not guaranteed that it will be successful. Companies cannot effort to invest money on the segment where return is not guaranteed, but government can have the separate budget for the research and development, those fund can be freely use for conducting different experiments, furthermore, help of various nations can also be availed. Apart from this, if private organizations succeed in getting any new finding they will charge heavily to supply it in market and ultimately it will not be afforded by many people. Hence, fulfillment of vital requirement to conduct research can be done by state only. In conclusion, unequivocally companies can carry out research, but if we want to conduct the scientific advancement in meaningful way then this responsibility is to be put on the shoulder of the government, then only society will get the benefit and progression can be carried out in ideal way.
It is
generally
considered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and development of scientific field is the area in which states should play the major role and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
has not part in this stream. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with notion that authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take the accountability of the scientific investigation and advancements and no freedom should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to commercial firm to spread their wings in this domain.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it requires huge amount of time to study
deeply
about any particular field, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
mainly
aim to earn profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the task which takes more time
usually
avoided by them. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
are
mainly
trying to find something for the betterment of the society and cause social development, which
undoubtedly
needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention. To exemplify, public university in India take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
PHG
students to work on internship along with studies as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
associates, whereas it is cumbersome for any commercial organization to recruit the employee at that salary.
Moreover
, university students spend almost five years to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge of the subject in-depth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that can perform much better for making
further
advancement in the particular field.

Digging deeper,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources are essential for conducting any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
successfully
like monetary support, space and equipment.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
after getting all the elements it is not guaranteed that it will be successful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
The word 'effort' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
cannot effort
to invest money on the segment where return is not guaranteed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can have the separate budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and development, those fund can be
freely
Consider using a past participle here: "used".
use
for conducting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiments,
furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of various nations can
also
be availed
. Apart from this, if private organizations succeed in getting any new finding they will charge
heavily
to supply it in market and
ultimately
it will not
be afforded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
, fulfillment of vital requirement to conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
can
be done
by state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In conclusion
,
unequivocally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can carry out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we want to conduct the scientific advancement in meaningful way then this responsibility is to
be put
on the shoulder of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
society will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the benefit and progression can
be carried
out in ideal way.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Scientific research should be the responsibility of governments rather than commercial organizations v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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