Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that higher salary is important when choosing a company to work for while others think that good atmosphere at a workplace is more important Discuss both view points and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think that higher salary is important when choosing a company to work for while others think that good atmosphere at a workplace is more important 2
it is ubiquitously known that money is an utmost important requirement of human being in order to lead a perfect life, therefore, working with huge amount of income is acceptable among them. Whereas, others deny this fact and prefer to work in serene environment than that of getting higher salaries by indulging in unsuitable workplace. This essay shall elucidate both the perspectives in ensuing fragments along with my personal slant. According to the first school of thought, money makes the mare go, therefore, earning heavy chunks can fulfill their desires. By this I mean, due to the stiff competition among societies; everyone wants to earn more than others in order to lead luxurious lifestyle. Hence, atmosphere of workplace is not considered by such minds. Not only this but also there is no poverty ridden section which is even unable to earn livelihood. As such, work environment doesn' t matter for them. In such cases, wages are preferred and people are ready to do adventurous tasks even. As per the research by Dubey Business Department, 73% labour work is done by poor section with high salaries where type of work or ambience is not considered. However, some masses give preference to good atmosphere at workplaces since they are health conscious and believe that health matters more than money. To illustrate, such people are unable to complete a uphiill tasks. They, sometimes, have health issues and require suitable environment. In this matter, work ambience is preferred. What is more, a good atmosphere provides security and safety. To be more precise, most people, especially women seek for safe zone while doing jobs as they are more susceptible to be victim of henious crimes and have less physical strength. Resultantly, working conditions are pondered by females. To recapitulate, after analysing both the viewpoints I vehemently vouch that self contentment, safety and security, health and so on aspects are more important than income. Consequently, considering above factors is a wise idea of before indulging in a job and one should prefer to work with having completed rudimentary requirements, however, working merely for money is worthless.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
ubiquitously
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
requirement of human being in order to lead a perfect life,
therefore
, working with huge amount of income is acceptable among them. Whereas, others deny this fact and prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in serene environment than that of getting higher salaries by indulging in unsuitable workplace. This essay shall elucidate both the perspectives in ensuing fragments along with my personal slant.

According to the
first
school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the mare go,
therefore
, earning heavy chunks can fulfill their desires. By this I mean, due to the stiff competition among societies; everyone wants to earn more than others in order to lead luxurious lifestyle.
Hence
, atmosphere of workplace is not considered by such minds. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there is no poverty ridden section which is even unable to earn livelihood. As such,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t matter for them. In such cases, wages
are preferred
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are ready to do adventurous tasks even. As per the research by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dubey
Business Department, 73%
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is done
by poor section with high salaries where type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or ambience is not considered.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses give preference to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
atmosphere at workplaces since they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conscious and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
matters more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To illustrate, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unable to complete
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
uphiill
tasks. They,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and require suitable environment. In this matter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ambience
is preferred
.
What is more
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
atmosphere provides security and safety. To be more precise, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
women seek for safe zone while doing jobs as they are more susceptible to be victim of
Possible spelling mistake found.
henious
crimes and have less physical strength.
Resultantly
, working conditions
are pondered
by females.

To recapitulate, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the viewpoints I
vehemently
vouch that self contentment, safety and security,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on aspects are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than income.
Consequently
, considering above factors is a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
indulging in a job and one should prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with having completed rudimentary requirements,
however
, working
merely
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is worthless.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that higher salary is important when choosing a company to work for while others think that good atmosphere at a workplace is more important 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts