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Some people suggest that each family should only have a car and encourage alternative vehicle. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people suggest that each family should only have a car and encourage alternative vehicle. v. 1
Some people argue that utilization of computers in educational activities will have a positive impact, while others take the view that the results of this will have negative effects. In my opinion, computers will give so many benefits to people who are involved in the educational field. On one side of the argument, there are people who hold the opinion that computers will have certain advantages. The most compelling reason for believing this is that computers can do lots of things in seconds and accurately. Computers can be used to take notes and store tones of data due to that, consumption of paper would reduce drastically. For example, the recent study conducted at the University of Alberts shows that, due to online examination, usage of papers has dropped by 90%. This is so beneficial to our environment because for less paper, less trees will cut. Despite the above arguments, there are some people still believe that in the near future, due to the usage of computer will show bad effects. The reason behind this is that due to the computers, student`s skills and interests in other sectors will reduce. Students will be lethargic in writing because computers were doing it for them and instead of reading a hard copy of the books they will read on a computer screen which is harmful for their eyes. Students may get addicted to this and they may use a computer all day instead of doing some other activities like going out with friends and playing sports. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that computers are essential in education because they have plenty of advantages for everyone who is involved in this field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that utilization of computers in educational activities will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact, while others take the view that the results of this will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. In my opinion, computers will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are involved
in the educational field.

On one side of the argument, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold the opinion that computers will have certain advantages. The most compelling reason for believing this is that computers can do lots of things in seconds and
accurately
. Computers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take notes and store tones of data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to that, consumption of paper would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
drastically
.
For example
, the recent study conducted at the University of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alberts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to online examination, usage of papers has dropped by 90%. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
beneficial to our environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for less paper,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun trees is countable.
less
trees will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
.

Despite the above arguments, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
believe that in the near future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the usage of computer will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects. The reason behind this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the computers,
The character between 'student' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "student’s" (curly apostrophe) or "student's" (straight apostrophe).
student`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and interests in other sectors will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
. Students will be lethargic in writing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computers were doing it for them and
instead
of reading a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copy of the books they will read on a computer screen which is harmful for their eyes. Students may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer all day
instead
of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other activities like going out with friends and playing sports.

In conclusion
, while both views are
commonly
held in society, I believe that computers are essential in education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advantages for everyone who
is involved
in this field.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people suggest that each family should only have a car and encourage alternative vehicle. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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