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You are working for a company and you need to take down tine off work and want to ask your manager about this v.1

You are working for a company and you need to take down tine off work and want to ask your manager about this v. 1
It has been commonly debated that a vast majority of youthful people are often are often impacted by other people in the identical age in their behaviour and status. As far as I am concerned, this tendency brings about more advantages than disadvantages. On the negative sides, always people know new people and should communicate with them for vital things such as work and education. In particular, the young people are more enthusiastic than other people for knowing new people. However, they cannot learn positive things from each person. They can have malicious habits like smoking or drinking, as a result of which immature people might do them. In addition, there are some people who tell a lie and persuades young people to detrimental addictions. For instance, particularly aged about 15- 20 people are deceived easily by malign people. In some countries in the world the level of young people who smokes and commits a crime is considerably high. I think that the main reason is that people who are approximately the same age with them have a harmful effect on these people. Despite the evident drawbacks, I still believe that peer group pressure has more benefits for developing young people. The major advantage of this is that there are a large number of people who cannot describe their behaviour or opinion; therefore, the effects of other people are crucial for these people. Moreover, sometimes the youths might not obtain achievement in any work, as a result of which they do not interest this work. For example, when Michael Phelps was young he could not acquire any achievement. As a result, he wanted to leave swimming; however, three years later he returned swimming with many friends, so he and his friends are 8-time Olympic champion. By way of conclusion, I believe that the merits of peer group pressure are of more significance when compared to demerits. I recommend that the young people should be careful when communicate with other people.
It has been
commonly
debated that a vast majority of youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
impacted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the identical age in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and status. As far as I
am concerned
, this tendency brings about more advantages than disadvantages.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides, always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and should communicate with them for vital things such as work and education.
In particular
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more enthusiastic than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for knowing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, they cannot learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things from each person. They can have malicious habits like smoking or drinking,
as a result
of which immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might do them.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
a lie and persuades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to detrimental addictions.
For instance
,
particularly
aged about
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
15- 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are deceived
easily
by malign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries in the world the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
smokes and commits a crime is
considerably
high. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are approximately the same age with them have a harmful effect on these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Despite the evident drawbacks, I
still
believe that peer group pressure has more benefits for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The major advantage of this is that there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or opinion;
therefore
, the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are crucial for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the youths might not obtain achievement in any work,
as a result
of which they do not interest this work.
For example
, when Michael Phelps was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
he could not acquire any achievement.
As a result
, he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
swimming;
however
, three years later he returned swimming with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he and his friends are 8-time Olympic champion.

By way of conclusion, I believe that the merits of peer group pressure are of more significance when compared to demerits. I recommend that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be careful when communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are working for a company and you need to take down tine off work and want to ask your manager about this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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