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Cricket has become more popular than the national sports in many subcontinental countries. What do you think are the reasons behind this? v.2

Cricket has become more popular than the national sports in many subcontinental countries. What do you think are the reasons behind this? v. 2
Cricket is getting famous as compared to the national sport in the Indo- Pak countries degrees of people for this game is not restricted anywhere. Although it is spreading all over the world the mass media also play an indispensable role in his popularity moreover. The British government also plays a part to do this task. Undoubtedly, the cricket is becoming the eminent game of the subcontinent and his fans are increasing day by day. The primary reason is the mass medium through, which it presents a diversify model for him. It has also removed the language barrier and providing a multitude of channel in different languages. In addition, it makes the player as celebrities. As a result, more people show inclination towards this, rather than Kabaddi, football, and hockey, which play on a national level. Furthermore, when Britains ruled over the subcontinental countries, they didn't take interest in their game. So, they introduce this and the athletes of that time involved in it. This leads to people had taken more participation in that sport and forgot their traditional games and Europeans succeeded to fulfil their aims. To conclude, the updated media and the inventor of cricket put a profound effort to flourish, it's all over the world and they have achieved it to some extent. Likewise; they held more events, which depict the good salary and fame of the player, of this sport and spread it on an international scale, besides a national platform, which ultimately attract the attention of humans.
Cricket is getting
famous
as compared to the national sport in the
Indo
-
Pak
countries degrees of
people
for this game is not restricted anywhere. Although it is spreading all over the world the mass media
also
play an indispensable role in his popularity
moreover
. The British
government
also
plays a part to do this task.

Undoubtedly
, the cricket is becoming the eminent game of the subcontinent and his fans are increasing day by day. The primary reason is the mass medium through, which it presents
a diversify
model for him. It has
also
removed the language barrier and providing a
multitude of channel
in
different
languages.
In addition
, it
makes
the player as celebrities.
As a result
, more
people
show
inclination towards this,
rather
than
Kabaddi
, football, and hockey, which play on a national level.

Furthermore
, when
Britains
ruled over the subcontinental countries, they didn't take interest in their game.
So
, they introduce this and the athletes of that time involved in it. This leads to
people
had taken more participation in that sport and forgot their traditional
games
and Europeans succeeded to fulfil their aims.

To conclude
, the updated media and the inventor of cricket put a profound effort to flourish, it's all over the
world and
they have achieved it to
some
extent.
Likewise
; they held more
events
, which depict the
good
salary and fame of the player, of this sport and spread it on an international scale,
besides
a national platform, which
ultimately
attract the attention of humans.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Cricket has become more popular than the national sports in many subcontinental countries. What do you think are the reasons behind this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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