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Some people spent a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Is this is a good or bad thing? v.1

Some people spent a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Is this is a good or bad thing? v. 1
In today’s era, concerts and sporting events play a vital role in stress relief. Some experts claim that it is not good to spend a lot of money on this whilst a few others disagree with the opinion. I firmly believe that spending an enormous amount of money on tickets will seriously affect one’s finance and family. To start with, people who over indulge in live programmes are the least bothered about the ticket prices. Their primary motive is to buy tickets at that moment, regardless of the cost. Now-a-days, due to the excessive coverage that these events receive in the media, many fans are eager to be a part of them. Young people, especially teenagers, often assume that watching a live event will make them appear cool and elevate their status among their friends. Unfortunately, they do not realize that this habit can jeopardize their budget. Over spending can push people into the debt trap. It could even hurt family relationships because when someone spends too much money for watching such events, their family will also suffer. Worse still, children of such parents may copy this behaviour and run into trouble in future. On the other hand, watching an event occasionally is good because it is a stress buster. In addition, being among a cheering crowd can lift up one’s mood. In addition, watching a live event and rooting for one team is an opportunity for people to express their patriotism. To recapitulate, people should be careful about spending money on cultural or sporting events. Once in a while it is perfectly all right to indulge in such practices, but we must ensure that it does not become an obsession.
In
today
’s era, concerts and sporting
events
play a vital role in
stress
relief.
Some
experts claim that it is not
good
to spend
a lot of
money
on this whilst a few others disagree with the opinion. I
firmly
believe that spending an enormous amount of
money
on tickets will
seriously
affect one’s finance and family.

To
start
with,
people
who over indulge in
live
programmes
are the least bothered about the ticket prices. Their primary motive is to
buy
tickets at that moment, regardless of the cost.
Now
-a-days, due to the excessive coverage that these
events
receive in the media,
many
fans are eager to be a part of them. Young
people
,
especially
teenagers
,
often
assume that watching a
live
event
will
make
them appear cool and elevate their status among their friends. Unfortunately, they do not realize that this habit can jeopardize their budget. Over spending can push
people
into the debt trap. It could even hurt family relationships
because
when someone spends too much
money
for watching such
events
, their family will
also
suffer. Worse
still
, children of such parents may copy this
behaviour
and run into trouble
in future
.

On the other hand
, watching an
event
occasionally
is
good
because
it is a
stress
buster.
In addition
, being among a cheering crowd can
lift up
one’s mood.
In addition
, watching a
live
event
and rooting for one team is an opportunity for
people
to express their patriotism.

To recapitulate,
people
should be careful about spending
money
on cultural or sporting
events
. Once in a while it is
perfectly
all right to indulge in such practices,
but
we
must
ensure that it does not become an obsession.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people spent a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Is this is a good or bad thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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