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Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 2
It is recommended that the higher education institudes should take the same amount of men and women students in all streams. I acknowledge that for study should not be look of student gender in every education department. Generally, most of the university has not been accepted by equal students in every subject because they can be believed that women does not suitable of that subject, but sometimes the girls would fix on their mind we cannot go to that department. For instance, security program as a security guard they can think that it is only for boys. Although, this trade changed, and the girls want to take part of that types of program. Also, both genders have rights to get education what they like. So, the University should take both gender students admission of the similar numbers. Moreover, if pupils as a student in early age is attached with different sexes, it can helpful in the future when they are younger and the gender issues will have destroyed. Subsequently, the students can talk with an each other and share the thoughts. As a human it is valuable knowledge for the student. Thus, in the higher study times they can innovate new ideas with the help of each other. In conclusion, though, to the high skills education by colleges and the university should give similar chance to study whether it is men or female student, hence I feel that both types of sex needs to take the same chance for the University studies in all subjects.
It
is recommended
that the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake found.
institudes
should take the same amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in all streams. I acknowledge that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
should not be look of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
gender in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
department.

Generally
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has not been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in every subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
be believed
that women does not suitable of that subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the girls would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
on their mind we cannot go to that department.
For instance
, security program as a security guard they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for boys. Although, this trade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, and the girls want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
of that types of program.
Also
, both genders have rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
what they like.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
should take both gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
admission of the similar numbers.

Moreover
, if pupils as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in early age
is attached
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sexes, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can helpful
in the future when they are younger and the gender issues will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
Subsequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can talk with
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "an" or "each" is left.
an each
other and share the thoughts. As a human it is valuable knowledge for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Thus
, in the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
times they can innovate new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of each other.

In conclusion
, though, to the high
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "skills'" or "skill's"?
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by colleges and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should give similar chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
,
hence
I feel that both types of sex needs to take the same chance for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in all subjects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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