Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community, or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? v.3

Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community, or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? v. 3
It seems like the world is becoming smaller and smaller almost by the minutes. When I was a child I could not imagine to meet someone from another part of the planet. However, now I have a few friends from Africa, I can meet many Chinese people on the streets, have dinner at a Mexican restaurant, buy some delicious cookies at a cafe run by the French. It is really wonderful and amazing to see people from all over the world, communicate and work with them. I agree with those people who move a number of times throughout their lives. However, I believe that people who spend their entire lives in one place have many advantages too. First of all, I will focus on the reasons why I support the idea of moving and then I will move on to analysing the opportunities that people have staying at one place. Personally, I think that the first and most obvious reason to move from one place to another is to see the world. Of cause, this can be obtained by travelling. Nevertheless, travelling does not give the opportunity to immerse into traditions, customs and just the way of life of the country. It is like seeing beautiful looking boots on a show-window and does not try them on to see if they are comfortable. The second reason for moving is the opportunity to gain new experience and knowledge. One can meet new people and new friends, extend one's range of interests. Also, one can find a better job, life conditions and even climate. For example, my husband like the warm and sunny weather. So his dream is to live here in Texas a half of the year and move to Australia for another half of the year to catch warm months. One more example, my aunt does not feel good in sultry and humid weather. So she had to move several times to find a place where she feels comfortable. From the other side, this way of life has some disadvantages. For instance, it is difficult to make a good career if one is constantly moving. Of cause, it does not concern celebrities on their tours. Also, it is not good for children because they will have to change their schools a few times. Staying in one place has a plenty of advantages too. I must confess that I am closer to the people who do not move much. I prefer to have a permanent home with my old and favourite things, have a dog and a beautiful view from the window. In conclusion, I think that every person is always looking for something better than he already has. So, if people live in one place through their entire lives it means that they are looking for something else.
It seems like the world is becoming smaller and smaller almost by the minutes.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I was a child I could not imagine to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone from another part of the planet.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I have a few friends from Africa, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the streets, have dinner at a Mexican restaurant,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
delicious cookies at a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
run by the French. It is
really
wonderful and amazing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world, communicate and work with them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
a number of times throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages too.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I will focus on the reasons why I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of moving and then I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
on to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the opportunities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have staying at one place.

Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
first
and most obvious reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to another is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world.
Did you mean "of course" (=naturally)?
Of cause
, this can
be obtained
by travelling.
Nevertheless
, travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not give the opportunity to immerse into traditions, customs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the way of life of the country. It is like seeing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
looking boots on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-window and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not try them on to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if they are comfortable.

The second reason for moving is the opportunity to gain new experience and knowledge. One can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and new friends, extend one's range of interests.
Also
, one can find a better job, life conditions and even climate.
For example
, my husband like the warm and sunny weather.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
his dream is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
here in Texas a half of the year and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to Australia for another half of the year to catch warm months. One more example, my aunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in sultry and humid weather.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
she had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
several times to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where she feels comfortable.

From the other side, this way of life has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
For instance
, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career if one is
constantly
moving.
Did you mean "of course" (=naturally)?
Of cause
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not concern celebrities on their tours.
Also
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their schools a few times. Staying in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advantages too. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
confess that I am closer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
much. I prefer to have a permanent home with my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
things, have a dog and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
view from the window.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every person is always looking for something better than he already has.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
through their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
it means that they are looking for something else.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community, or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
468 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts